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Thursday, 10 January 2008

caged

I am feeling constantly infuriated by this silly fatigue. Perhaps something I caught over Christmas is still lurking, perhaps it has merely set me back, but whatever it is, the tiredness is at its most vicious, and I detest it. This week I have frequently been brought to tears with vexation and a sense of hopelessness. I cannot see an end to all this. I know from past experience that improvement does occur, and I can live relatively normally. The years at college, though tiring, were good years for me. These last two years or so have been the most difficult, since the very beginning, perhaps. This time it is harder to be hopeful.

I am not sure why, but something inside is missing. I have lost the trust that it will be all right. I struggle to find it, but when I do it does not stay with me, but slips between my fingers. And I am feeling hugely frustrated.

Neither my body nor my mind will co-operate, both are malfunctioning and I am feeling caged.

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"The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people."- Richard Foster