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Monday, 25 October 2010

strategic withdrawals

I have been feeling very weary the last few days, more so than usual. I can recognise danger signals these days, when the fatigue starts clamping down on me more than normal. The only things to do is make a strategic withdrawal - not making any more commitments, backing out of those I can and making it plain that the next month or so I will be decreasing my activity levels.

It's a frustrating thing to do, but it needs doing. If I keep plugging on regardless I risk a complete crash - worse, relapse - which could seriously restrict me for months. I am not willing to let that happen, so now, while in the dangerzone, I am starting to make strategic withdrawals. I have to surrender the battle in order not to lose the war.

Oddly I think it's a good thing I've signed up for NaNoWriMo - I can curl up and do that casually and gently, without feeling miserable. Withdrawing can be very isolating, so a focus inside these four walls is helpful. I can write horizontal, if I have to, sprawled out with notepad or netbook. It will take my mind off all the things I cannot do. I'm just praying my headaches are not too troublesome, because between them and the fatigue, that can cause problems in doing anything, which is horribly depressing.

Of course it would be the lead up to Christmas - but that can't be helped. If I start taking things easier sooner rather than later, I should be able to manage at least attending things, if not participating in a way I would like.

Such is life with CFS/ME.

5 comments:

Elizabethd said...

That must be so hard for you, but it sounds as though you are doing the right thing in planning a gentle withdrawal.

Tara Lamont said...

Lucy,
Its funny that you have been on my mind today. So sorry I've been mia in the comments of late. I just took some time today to catch up on my google reader and 500 some posts later - here I am.

I've been on the fence of the November writing goal - the fact that it's fiction makes me wonder if I should try it: being a poet and life-reflective writer that I am.

What do you think? Feel better soon!
T

Kathryn said...

Oh, i do understand this.

To my great excitement, i seem to be getting better. (Two months ago i thought i would soon be in the market for a wheel chair, my functioning seemed to be dropping so quickly.) Even though i'm better, however, i still have to be very cautious to monitor my activity so that i don't "overdo" & lose all my progress.

Hope you have a wonderful month working on your book, and i hope you will be feeling better too.

Lisa said...

Rest well, Lucy.

Lucy said...

Thank you, everyone.

"The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people."- Richard Foster