part three of a personal story: new horizons

My experience of other traditions and denominations was widened further when I made a decision that would change my life, in many ways.  I applied to study at what was then London Bible College, now London School of Theology (one of my favourite places in the world).  The story of that decision is an important one, but I won't go into it here - perhaps I will tell it another time, if people are interested.  Let's just say it was made very clear that this was the next step on my journey.  (Very rarely have I ever known anything beyond 'the next step'.)

LBC/LST is an inter-denominational evangelical theological college, thus attracting students from all traditions and cultures.  It was a time of incredible growth for me - in knowledge, in faith, in friendships - and also a time of great challenge, being stretched and at times disassembled, but all the while knowing I was in a safe place.  My passion for Christian unity did not lessen, although it was so much a part of life I rarely thought about it in a very defined way - constantly in conversation and community with those of different traditions meant it was a very practical, very immediate, fact of where I was.  And it delighted me.

It was also where I started getting an inkling that I may, in some way, be going to be involved with those in the Baptist tradition.  I came aware from one chapel service with the odd sensation that in some way I would eventually be connected with Baptist ministry,of all things, but I really didn't know how!

Then I met my future husband, who, I discovered in the course of our new relationship, felt called to Baptist Ministry.  I remember quite clearly deciding perhaps I should know more about this, and picking up a book about Baptist theology.  It was extraordinary.  But...but this is what I think, about so many things.  It wasn't where I'd started, but I felt I had come home.

And now, here I am, she who hates labels but who will, on very special occasions, call herself a Baptist. Because this is where God has put me and where he has led me.  For a while I worked for our regional association in an admin position, which I loved - churches working together!  The Baptist church is so diverse in its congregations, styles and opinions.  Within this medley, I have found my place.

Here in this place, I am still keen to keep on working with other traditions, to work within our agreements and accept the fact of our disagreements, to rid people of their prejudices against each other, to find a way of working together for the good of our communities and our world.  To exercise friendship, respect and tactfulness.  To pray together, seek God together, express our longings together.

To bring together the pieces of the broken sword not in a way that forces people into one mould (the pieces are different shapes, after all) but that expresses the love of God in a dynamic, beautiful way.

To be the church in all her pieces, in all her humanness.

A body of many parts.

The body of Christ.



This is the third part of a personal story, which I have been inspired to share during the Week of Prayer for Christian Unity.  Links to the previous posts:

Part One - the broken sword
Part Two - under the waves

part one of a personal story: the broken sword

I intimated in Tuesday's post that there was a personal element to my longing to see Christians working together.  I'll try and encapsulate it a bit here - but please remember this is my personal experience.  You are welcome to take it or leave it.  Neither is this my Christian testimony about my coming to faith in God, but it does talk a bit about how I have interacted with his people - his church.

As a child I attended an Anglican church - it was a very 'low' kind of Anglicanism, not that I knew much about the differences at the time. Years later I discovered certain kinds of incense made me cough and splutter, so perhaps it was just as well!  I went to church with my parents, and for reasons I won't go into here, also spent a couple of years in a Pentecostal Assemblies of God congregation, and then another charismatic Anglican church before returning, for the majority of my teens, to the original Anglican church where I had begun.

We've touched on the fact I'm not keen on labels (see here), and as a teenager I was very prickly about denominationalism.  I would quite firmly say 'I am a Christian,' beyond that, I was determined not to be boxed.  I knew there were aspects of Anglican tradition that didn't match my own slowly forming theology, nevertheless I loved the people within - and the church is the people, after all - and I wanted to be where God put me.  I also wanted to ditch the labels.

All this makes me sound very firm in my opinions, but I should explain a little more about teenage Lucy-ness.  I stumbled through my teens on a tide of feeling - feeling that I did not know how to express, and longing to know and understand more and more.  But I struggled to put myself into words, and when I sincerely tried, my contemporaries looked at me somewhat oddly - who thinks that much about life?!  I suffered from an innate shyness which coupled with this desperation to express and understand generally left me muddled and exhausted.  It was nobody's fault.  I was just becoming me, in my own teenage way.

As I became more anxious about sharing my heart, so full of feeling, I began to hide behind a mask of a manically overdone version of my natural silly streak.  I consider my silly streak a very healthy and necessary thing, but at this time, it was something I hid behind, because I did not know how to contribute to conversation.  I did not know how to be me, because I did not know then who on earth 'me' was.   This mask wasn't always appropriate, so sometimes I would simply remain quiet, at one point reduced to nauseating panic attacks - coping with sheer depth of feeling and self-consciousness and tiredness.  My body, frustratingly, would not keep itself distinct from my emotions, and thus when I was a nervous wreck, I really was a nervous wreck. (Of course this is a generalisation.  I did have my sane moments!)

Only relatively recently have I been able to look back at that other me and smile benignly, no longer clutched by scorching embarrassment.  She's still with me - not all of it was hormones - but blended in with later experiences and, well, growing up.  Anyway, you get the picture. I felt things very deeply indeed - and not just for myself; I could be assailed with chokingly powerful compassion, which alas was so powerful I was yet again rendered speechless and unable to show it to the person concerned.

Within my passionate nature, I had a longing for God.  I was incredibly sincere in my faith and thrived on seeking understanding.  I also had a passion for Christian unity. I looked at division and it hurt. Once, the young people were holding a service as an alternative to Hallowe'en.  The idea was that it was open to other churches in the area and I took this very seriously indeed.  One of my most vivid memories is of lying in my bed praying furiously for this service.  And lying back, rendered mute, an image flashed into to my mind.

I can still recall my feeling of astonishment.  This is not a way that God often speaks to me, so to suddenly have a 'picture' come out of nowhere was startling.  And perplexing.

It was a broken sword.  I don't mean a sword merely seared in two but splintered, fragments of it lying about - big, small, shiny, rusty.  Baffled, I asked immediately: 'what does it mean?'

The answer came back, startlingly clear and swift. 'This is my church.'

(Now. Some of you will say 'it was all in your head'.  Some of you won't like the image of weaponry.   I understand that.  I'm just telling the story.)

Gradually, the threads of meaning layered in my mind.  A shattered sword is no good for its purpose. It is ineffectual.  What good is a sword that lies in pieces?  But put those pieces back together and what do you have?  A powerful weapon.  One that can stand against injustice.  One that can defend the weak and poor. One that can make a difference.

It's an analogy.  It's an analogy that went straight to my heart.

To be continued...

unity on a Tuesday

Today sees the start of the Week of Prayer for Christian Unity 2011. I'm not sure why it starts on a Tuesday.  Why does it start on a Tuesday?

Anyway (such a useful word).

This is an issue I have long been interested in and even passionate about - although I confess I find words like 'ecumenism' heavy in today's world (I believe the Greek word from which it comes means 'the whole known world' - I'll have to investigate more on that.). I like talking about co-operation, discussion, sharing ideas and sharing resources.

At our church on Sunday evening we had a cafe style discussion evening talking about 'Christians United'.  Most of the time was spent in group discussion, with no shortage of things to say. Many of us had backgrounds which were denominationally diverse, and the overall feeling of the evening was positive, recognising that we are all made in God's likeness and that working together in the name of Christ was a good thing.

Of course there are always things that baffle one group about another. What is highly symbolic in one tradition seems a nonsense to another - the associations simply aren't there. Once explained, we still may not agree, but at least a level of understanding has been reached.

What I believe is so important is a willingness to talk, and keep talking, and to do so in a way that is genuinely loving and constructive. Unfortunately the phrase 'speak the truth in love' has become so well known that sometimes it is used as a get out clause for any behaviour - 'may I speak the truth in love?'  You may, but will you?  Really?

Of course, blogs are great vehicles for such communication - as long as love, respect and humility still apply.

Sometimes there are areas of such firm disagreement that a kind of stalemate is reached and recognised.  Then it's a matter of looking at areas of commonality and finding that tiny chink where you can work together.  You may not feel able to worship together in a church context, but what's stopping you picking up litter and demonstrating a united concern for your community?  It's just one part of our witness to those around us.

Unfortunately sometimes the stalemates lead to visible enmity within Christ's church.  This, I find heartbreaking.  By this I mean actual nastiness, which is totally contrary to our imitating Christ.  There will be frustration and exasperation, as there is in any disagreement - particularly when it comes to interpreting what God wants of us.  Sometimes this will mean walking away from each other and taking a breath.  Sometimes we will feel genuine grief over another's point of view.  We may feel a surge of deep disappointment when we discover their opinion - on something terribly important to us - is the complete opposite to ours.

By no means is it easy, and a willingness to talk openly and lovingly, recognising a mutual desire to do what is pleasing in God's eyes, is essential.  It's also an individual choice, which is where things can get mucky, because for a genuine debate to occur in a healthy framework, there needs to be some mutual agreement as to how we will treat each other when we disagree, what attitude we will choose to embody in those moments.

Perhaps I'll look at some of these aspects in further detail at some point, as I realise I'm skipping about as I introduce the topic.

Some of these are thoughts that arose out of our discussion, some are my own.  But they don't truly explain my interest in the issue. For that, I'll have to tell you a little about my personal journey within the Christian church...watch this space for more thoughts on Christian unity this week.

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blogging, gender and Christianity (part 2)

Firstly, I'd like to say a few things about me.

I keep a blog.  This much is obvious.


I am a Christian.  The fact that I use this term to explain my belief and chosen lifestyle instead of merely as a label, is also fairly clear to readers of this blog.


I live in the United Kingdom.


I am married to a church minister.


My husband is a minister in a UK Baptist church.  I, too, have found my theological 'home' in the Baptist way of looking at things.


I have a degree in theology, and this is a continuing interest.  I have always longed to think and explore faith, life and meaning more deeply.  (This is part of the purpose of this blog, in case you hadn't guessed.)


I am hopelessly forgetful, so in order to remember all the things I learn I have to keep thinking about them.  My life needs regular littering with reminders.


I am a writer.


I struggle with Chronic Fatigue/ M.E., which impacts my way of life.


I have a variety of hobbies and interests, most of which fit loosely under the topics of expressing my creativity and exploring/enjoying the natural world.  Most, not all.


Is this the sum of my parts?  By no means.  This tells you nothing about what I'm like to talk to, my mannerisms, my views on specific subjects.  There is much, much more to me.


And amid all this, I am also a woman.

I've already stated in my previous entry that gender isn't something I'm particularly concerned with when reading blogs. If I'm honest, any disparity hadn't really occurred to me.  I think that we all have certain issues which act as triggers for thought and feeling.  I have not had any particularly painful discriminatory experiences as a woman, so I'm probably less personally sensitive to it.  (Although I still remember the shock and hurt of reading what some of the 'Church Fathers' have to say about women!) What I am sensitive to is being pigeon-holed and labelled.

Why?  It's probably partially the health thing.  I used to hate being known for being the one who was 'ill'.  I've carried that sensitivity through with me.  That, I admit.  So it will colour the way I look at things. I think if this post had another title, it would be 'Know Yourself' - but more than that, knowing that what is not an issue for you is  an issue for others, respecting that and listening to them in order to understand their point of view.

So when we talk about something that constitutes one of my parts - be it health concerns, or indeed womanhood, I am quickly wary of labels.  The fact is, I don't want to make a big thing of it.  Making a big thing of it, for me, involves a kind of isolation.  You take the 'thing', the 'label' and suddenly the whole broad sweep of things gets lost.  I'm going to have to say it, although I hate cliches (interesting) - you can't see the wood for the trees.

For me, singling out women implies that they are an issue.  A problem.  Not simply one part of this weird and wonderful thing called humanity.  A humanity that together reflects the likeness of God.  And a faith that says we are all one in Christ Jesus.  (Remember - this is my perception, my explanation of what I struggle with.  I'm claiming nothing else.)

So why, I hear you ask, am I even posting about this?  Well, there was a conversation going on.  I listened to a few people.   I like discussing things, so I joined in.  It really is that simple.  I've learned enough about myself to know what my sensitivities are, and this takes away some of their power.  Therefore  I join the conversation out of interest, out of a joy of interacting, of thinking and chewing over an issue.  Of, yes that's right, looking deeper.  This is not a big issue for me, but it is a big issue for some.  Out of interest in and respect for their point of view, I am adding my voice.  There's no obligation to listen, of course!

I should add that  in no way am I saying that this is merely about personal sensitivity to an issue.   There do seem to be less women in the UK blogging about Christianity than men, and it's good to point this out and ask why.  I would love to read more blogs by women reflecting deeply on their faith and theology.  It's been great to discover new ones during this discussion.  Here, however, I'm merely bouncing my own thoughts around on my own blog.

Now, again there are various tangents and topics that skim through my mind.  I do still want to talk about denominations, because one thing I have noticed about the UK Christian blogosphere is that bloggers tend to 'cluster' in their denominations.  This, to an extent, is inevitable.  All these threads of commonality, be it gender, profession or belief will naturally cultivate certain groupings.  Humans, after all, have a tendency to congregate.  Coincidentally, tomorrow marks the start of the 'Week of Prayer for Christian Unity'.  So perhaps I'll do a separate post about that later in the week.  But what I would like to see is more crossover between blogs of different denominations, celebrating that which we have in common, explaining our differences and doing so with gentleness and respect.  More on that, later.

I also want to look at the nature of Christian blogs, because I wonder if the issue is not so much about UK women bloggers who are Christian but those who blog particularly about Christianity,  theological reflection, or church ministry.  Because the latter is far more specific, and it may be that there are plenty of UK Christian women bloggers, but just not so many who use their blogs as a place for theological reflection.  They have other topics that they choose to blog about..

Which takes me into the area of the purpose of blogging, audience and all kinds of things that would make this post too long.  But my point, if I have a point, is that there are so many factors.  It's interesting to me to dig a bit deeper and find out what they are.

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