a day like today...

... well, it is today, so what else could it be like?

This morning I had a physio appointment. The last two times the buses have been really unreliable. The first time I got on a different bus than I would have preferred, as there are so few of them, but the normally 'regular' bus was failing me. Worked out all right - the ticket machine was broken so I got a free ride. The second time two buses failed to show so had to ring Andy to give me an emergency lift. Hence this time I was at the bus stop almost an hour earlier than I needed to be, so that I had three possible buses to miss. Of course, the first of the three arrived on time - almost unheard of to be so precisely on time - thus I was sitting in the waiting room for 50 minutes.

As part of a decision to read some well known books that I'd never got round to reading, I had Heller's Catch-22 with me. Every now and then I made a strange snuffling sound, trying to contain a bemused laugh. No one seemed to notice. It's one of...six (?I think?) books I'm currently reading. I tend to pick up books absentmindedly and before you know it there are books in various places all waiting to be resumed from where I left off when last in that location in the house. It works for me, and it amuses Andy, who keeps a tally!

Felt a bit low after my appointment as she is not convinced physiotherapy can do much more for me. Had long winded discussion in which I felt more and more tired and frustrated. I'm having two more sessions and then she will write to my GP. I'd decided to walk into the city centre as it wasn't too far away, but felt rather shattered energy-wise, and frustrated at being shattered. Went to explore the new craft shop I'd heard about - very exciting having one I can get to myself. It was very good, but felt too tired to appreciate it. Thought I'd go and have some form of refreshment, post my parcel, and come back.

Decided to post parcel first. Was stopped by two guys in close succession with clipboards asking me about line rentals, dodged away from them (one hollering after me), suddenly exhausted, feeling rather hounded. When I'm very tired little things like that tip me over into miserably tired. Was compounded by two more reps blocking the stairs in Smiths, which has the Post Office upstairs, and badgering me again. Near tears with sheer fatigue.
'I just want to go upstairs!' I pleaded.
'All right,' one replied, 'I'll catch you when you come back down'.
Could think of no response to that except a small groan.
Stood in cue at Post Office desk feeling stressed. Slipped down the other staircase and made mad break for the door. Making mad breaks is far too energetic for me when the fatigue hits, so felt rather sick.

Succeeded, and due to state of misery walked further down to find the cafe I like, and had a cup of tea and a toasted teacake. Sat feeling stupidly tearful and idiotic. Realised it was pointless to go back to craft shop in current state, so headed grimly for the bus stop.
Ran the gauntlet of the High Street.
'Please God, make me invisible!'
Managed to dodge the annoying reps. Relief palpable once on bus.
'There you are, my dear,' said the bus driver as he dropped me at my stop.
'Thank you,' I replied, with great sincerity.

Sheesh. Such silly things tire me out so much.

mildly elated

I had a trip to the doctor's this afternoon, another appointment to monitor my headache. Was a little frustrated I had to go this afternoon, since I had our review group session at the CFS/M.E service this morning (nice to see everyone again; the official sessions are over now, but we still plan to meet up). For me that makes a very tiring day.

However, I came out of the doctor's surgery feeling somewhat elated; after feeling my neck and asking me questions, she is referring me for physiotherapy. The previous physio I had, I had arranged myself, and had failed to get a referral from the previous doctor's practice - one doctor there said it 'wasn't bad enough' for physio, which frustrated me - what happened to prevention is better than cure? That was when I was merely struggling with my neck and shoulders - now of course it is causing me headaches and has done so for over a year. Another doctor told me I was too young to have physiotherapy, and perhaps I should wait until I was older - which seems to me to be utterly obscure - does anyone agree?!

Anyway, I hadn't even mentioned it at the new practice (frankly, I'd given up trying) - but she decided it completely of her own volition. I was assailed with relief as I walked home and actually became rather choked up. It's not something I've verbalised, even to myself, but the fact is I am in constant pain and nobody seemed to be taking it seriously. I felt like it had finally been recognised, and confess the feeling of that brought a lump to my throat. Now I can have physiotherapy at one of the local hospitals and not have to worry or feel guilty about spending money.

What a relief.

Today:4/10, medium

a brief note

This will probably be my last entry for a while; mum and dad arrive tomorrow and I need to busy myself with various things.

Thought I'd better do my ratings...will try to remember to do them elsewhere but we all know I'm useless at remembering things. Am hoping my physio routine will be kept up; I associate places with doing things so it will require more discipline - the temptation to have a holiday from everything normal must be suppressed unless I want to be headache central the entire time!! Praying everything goes smoothly and gently.

Need to clean Ernie's tank now so mum and dad only have to feed him. He's currently going bananas behind me; he gets very excited whenever we're around (especially when we pick up his food pot). He's developed the occasional habit of thrusting his lower lip against the glass, making a tiny thunk sound. And who says goldfish don't have character?!

Adieu.

Today so far: 5/10, medium
Yesterday: 5/10, medium low

today's rating

I'd better carry on now I've started, though I've little to say otherwise! Am feeling a bit better than yesterday. Went to physiotherapist and she gave me some ultra sound on my neck so I'm hoping this helps my head this week.

Energy rating: 5/10
Headache: Medium / High