the potential and the peril of good intentions

So often, I see an avenue for encouragement.  I see something I could do. It may not feel like much - a mere contact, a mere word.  A simple presence - a being there.  A card.  A flower.  Just a little silly nonsense to lighten the air, even - something funny, something affectionate.

I put it on my mental to-do list.

Otherwise known as my good intentions.

Oh, they are such beautiful things!  They really are.  They are so filled with potential and promise.  They carry droplets of hope into the barren ache of despair.  They could, possibly, make a difference I would never be aware of, never truly understand.

But then I forget them.

Not immediately.  They go on the to-do list, and then they go on the roll-over list.  You know, the things I meant to do yesterday and will now attend to tomorrow (today rarely gets a look in).  Once they've been rolled over a few times I examine them and wonder - is it too late?   Will it still be appreciated?  I hesitate, now, to do them.

I put them on my 'uncertain' list.

Which means I still do not do them, as I am working out if they are now feasible, valid, or wanted.  I start worrying about how I will appear, about how it will look.

So much time has now passed that even thinking about them plunges me into despair.

So, I take them off the list for a while.

Time passes - days, weeks, months.

And one day I catch a glimpse of someone or something and - I remember.  And, sometimes I see - it would have helped.  I could have made a difference.

But now - what?  Their number has changed and I don't have their new one.  They've moved away.  The links are gone, broken or rotted.  The chance is lost.

It was such a good intention.  So full of promise.

And then I start compiling a list of regrets.  Things I should have done but didn't.  I'm so busy looking at that list that I neglect the new things, the new opportunities that today brings.  The cycle continues of the almost-not now-not evers.

I have to teach myself a new mantra, especially for good intentions:

Forget yesterday's failures.  Don't wait until tomorrow.  Do it today.

acting on impulse

I was talking to a friend yesterday of the importance of 'acting on impulse'. Please note this is not meant as 'act impulsively', i.e. without thought - and is nothing to do with a certain body spray!!

It's about those times we have a thought, prompting or conviction that we should do something. Like write a letter of encouragement. Phone someone to see if they're all right. Follow up on something. Pursue a certain avenue. Push a certain door.

How often I have good impulses - and they are such good intentions...but sadly, nothing more. My friend told me about her old teacher - how he would say do it while you've got the enthusiasm. I can identify with this. How often do we feel profoundly moved by something but put off praying about it or responding to it? How often do we assume we will 'get round to it' at a later time? We assume the fruit will remain ripe, to use an analogy - not realising that it will, eventually, get out of date and even go off. Our enthusiasm, our passion, vanishes. The zest, the colour, the flavour of the moment disappears. And even more tragically, sometimes we don't even notice it's gone.

It sends a surge of unhappy comprehension through me to think of how many times I have made this mistake. Delaying and procrastinating. Assuming that it will happen...later. Intending, but then...forgetting. The train has left the station, and I don't even remember the importance of getting on it.

We all do it. So this is my challenge - to myself, and to any who identify with what I am talking about.

Act on impulse. Write that letter. Make that phone call. Be the encourager, the do-er, the ambassador. Don't let your passion - or compassion - have time to fade. Hold onto those things that really matter - and don't let them go.