the potential and the peril of good intentions

So often, I see an avenue for encouragement.  I see something I could do. It may not feel like much - a mere contact, a mere word.  A simple presence - a being there.  A card.  A flower.  Just a little silly nonsense to lighten the air, even - something funny, something affectionate.

I put it on my mental to-do list.

Otherwise known as my good intentions.

Oh, they are such beautiful things!  They really are.  They are so filled with potential and promise.  They carry droplets of hope into the barren ache of despair.  They could, possibly, make a difference I would never be aware of, never truly understand.

But then I forget them.

Not immediately.  They go on the to-do list, and then they go on the roll-over list.  You know, the things I meant to do yesterday and will now attend to tomorrow (today rarely gets a look in).  Once they've been rolled over a few times I examine them and wonder - is it too late?   Will it still be appreciated?  I hesitate, now, to do them.

I put them on my 'uncertain' list.

Which means I still do not do them, as I am working out if they are now feasible, valid, or wanted.  I start worrying about how I will appear, about how it will look.

So much time has now passed that even thinking about them plunges me into despair.

So, I take them off the list for a while.

Time passes - days, weeks, months.

And one day I catch a glimpse of someone or something and - I remember.  And, sometimes I see - it would have helped.  I could have made a difference.

But now - what?  Their number has changed and I don't have their new one.  They've moved away.  The links are gone, broken or rotted.  The chance is lost.

It was such a good intention.  So full of promise.

And then I start compiling a list of regrets.  Things I should have done but didn't.  I'm so busy looking at that list that I neglect the new things, the new opportunities that today brings.  The cycle continues of the almost-not now-not evers.

I have to teach myself a new mantra, especially for good intentions:

Forget yesterday's failures.  Don't wait until tomorrow.  Do it today.

a little encouragement

A little encouragement would make all the difference.

Yesterday a little self-analysis took place, which always creates a mini squirm-athon. Telling the truth about yourself to yourself is not a particularly comfortable activity. I realised I am constantly seeking encouragement. I have things I want to do in life, aims, goals, ambitions, which I have told myself would be much more do-able with some external encouragement. A little push. A little praise. A little confidence in me that I can achieve these things. When I don't feel I am receiving this encouragement, I start slumping into gloom, unable to combat my fears and anxieties by myself. It's embarrassing, writing it so publicly, but I have realised it's true. Thinking, subconsciously, that I could achieve much more with the right encouragement. I just need to find it.

To clarify - I'm not saying I don't receive encouragement from those I love - I most certainly do. What I'm recognising is a tendency within myself to rely on others' encouragement, and flop backwards if I don't seem to receive it, especially from people I perceive as 'successful' in pursuing that for which I wish I had the same drive.

Yuk. I'm deliberately being harsh on myself because I think I need it. I need to give myself a push. I'm the only person who could get away with saying it, if you know what I mean. In some areas of life, we have to learn for ourselves. So I say to myself: get a grip.

And then another thought 'popped' into my mind. (Do have those interesting 'thoughts' that pop into your mind?!) If someone came to me in need of encouragement, would I give it? Would I notice? Would I see what a difference could be made in how I respond to this person?

What if...I reversed this tendency in myself - the tendency to need encouragement? What if it morphed instead into the ability to perceive where encouragement is needed? What if my aim changed - and I aimed to be an encourager?

Often our weaknesses can become our strength, through the power of the Spirit in our lives, producing fruits we could never conceive of - suffused with the love and kindness of God. Thus my hope today is that my need for encouragement can be transformed into an awareness of others' need for it. I don't expect this to happen immediately. Change is hard work, especially when it is a matter of character. I ask God to take my reluctant, anxious, uncertain side - that which needs encouragement, and change it into something focused on that which is entirely external to myself.

We often don't see the power of our words and actions - their potential ripple effects. Encouragement can change minds, hearts, lives - maybe even the world, just a little bit at a time. So instead of feeling desperate for a little encouragement, today I resolve to focus on giving it wherever I can...

A little encouragement would make all the difference.

on this day

on this day
may hope rise out of forgotten places
as spring emerges from the depths of winter
may joy scatter its petals on your hearts
and faith hold up your arms

on this day
may love caress the aching scars
and ease the hidden pains you carry
allowing you to nestle in the care
of your one protector

on this day
may radiance transform your faces
and sink deep, soul deep, beneath the skin
encouraging you to believe that life
will be beautiful yet