BOOK REVIEW: In Constant Prayer by Robert Benson

IN THIS BOOK, Robert Benson introduces the discipline of the Daily Office, also known as the liturgy of the hours, among other names.  It is part of the Ancient Practices series.  In a humble and engaging way, Benson presents a truly ancient practice - a way of praying at fixed times and entering into the great river of prayer that runs through the church over the ages.

I love this book.  Ironically it has taken me some time to get round to reviewing it, so I almost want to read it again before doing so.  One thing I love about this book is the voice of the author.  Benson is a wonderful writer and a deeply honest one - an honesty and humility runs throughout the book as he suggests, not prescribes, this ancient form of prayer. He confesses readily to his own sense of shyness, something I could relate to, having a shyness of my own.  And he talks about how he finds this form of prayer helpful while acknowledging that we are all different.

I wish I had read this book with a pencil.  I will next time.

 Just some of things I found helpful were:

• The origins of fixed time prayer- how they go back into ancient Israel.  They are not invented by monasteries!
• The participation of these prayers - how even when we are alone, we know that others all over the world are also praying in this way.
• The purpose of the daily office - it is for God.  So often our prayers are all about ourselves.  The daily office is for God.  This really hit home.
• The practicality of the prayers - Benson is so down to earth, explaining what you will need, how long it takes,  how to incorporate them into our lives.
• The passage of these prayers over time - how the church keeps these prayers going over the ages, and the suggestion that its failure to do so has a truly destructive effect on the church.
• The reality of our own weaknesses - Benson emphasises not feeling guilty for our 'failures' to pray but to start again the next day.

These are just some of the things in this book.  And I believe it does offer a new way of forming ourselves, freeing ourselves, changing ourselves, even as we do it for God alone and not for ourselves.

"WE HAVE WONDERED what might be in this prayer for us if we said this prayer, even as we acknowledged that our worship is not actually for us; it is for the One who made us.  Even so, we wondered, what might happen in our hearts and in our minds and in our work and in our relationships and in the world itself, if we said the prayer that has been given to us?"

- Robert Benson, In Constant Prayer, p148

I have realised while thinking about this review, that I am able to say a very overused and under-meant phrase and actually mean it.  This book has changed my life.  I know that because since I finished reading it I have instilled the discipline of morning and evening prayers in my own life.  I have a chair where I sit and I do my 'office'.  Although it felt a little odd at first, I found the structure and discipline incredibly helpful.  Especially when it comes to praying for others - I now have a journal where I allocate people a day - and will pray specifically for them at the designated point in the office.  Before, I simply felt overwhelmed by all the need and didn't know where to start.  

Anyway, that's another post, really, and perhaps I will write about it separately at one point.

What I mean is this - I have followed through on the reading of this book and now every day is shaped differently.  If that's not change, what is?

Unexpected giveaway: My first book got lost in the post.  So Thomas Nelson very generously sent another.  Then - you guessed it - the lost copy finally turned up.  So, yes, I have a spare copy.  Please leave a comment if you'd like it, explaining why, and I'll choose one.  One thing I would say this is a particularly good book at introducing the Daily Office. So it may be valuable for those who are relatively unfamiliar with it, but have a genuine interest.  

I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com  book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. 

Other reviews from the Ancient Practices series:

The Sacred Journey
The Liturgical Year

fourth century thoughts on prayer

"Prayer is the light of the spirit, 

and the spirit, raised up to heaven by prayer, 

clings to God with the utmost tenderness.  

Like a child crying tearfully for its mother,

 it craves the milk that God provides.  

Prayer also stands before God as an honoured ambassador.  

It gives joy to the spirit, peace to the heart. 

I speak of prayer, not words.  

It is the longing for God, love too deep for words, 

a gift not given by humans, but by God's grace." 

- John Chrysostom

I speak of prayer, not words.  I love the differentiation.  Our words are part of our praying, but they are not what makes a prayer.  The prayer itself goes before and beyond the words, Spirit leading, Son interceding, sometimes entirely soundless.  Prayer is an act of offering, of hands opening.  Prayer is a gift.

Other posts:

Prayer as a gift

can a retweet be a prayer?

Reading the newspaper this weekend I scanned the selected tweets section and came across this one from comedian Chris Rock:

Forget the hashtags and the retweets. Japan is going through an obvious hardship so any prayers and support should be genuine (@notchrisrock)

It made me shuffle in my seat slightly. I had retweeted a 'pray for Japan' message earlier that day (admittedly without hashtag), because I felt so ill equipped to post anything worthwhile, but nonetheless I didn't want to say nothing, either.

Always the problem - is saying nothing worse than saying an inadequate something? I still can't answer this question, as my words feel ragingly inadequate in the face of other people's suffering. And the fact that words are my 'thing' doesn't help - what I don't want to do is to fall into the trap about making it about me and how my words portray something.

Which reminds me of Jesus' words about praying - going into your room, and closing the door, not standing on street corners spouting lengthy prayers for all to see. Probing question : if I pray on my blog, am I acting the puffed up scribe, more concerned with my words than the very thing I'm praying for?

Feeling uncomfortable? Me too. But I think discomfort is good. We should always keep an eye on our motives, especially the sub-conscious ones, slyly nipping in around the back.

Looking out Chris Rock's twitterfeed I discover that his previous tweet was: 'Damn shame how some of you who never pray, or don't even believe in God talkin bout " #PrayForJapan " trying to get retweets', which does alter the emphasis slightly, but I'm almost glad I read the second tweet out of context, because it provoked me to think so much about the topic.

It's great to join together in prayers in a way we couldn't previously. Sometimes, typing a prayer into a keyboard and the vast network beyond feels in itself an act of prayer, but the nature of the technology we use means that it could easily become about the pray-ers and (horrors) the best prayers. Wherein I think we really have crossed the line and started 'praying for appearances'. I want to be able to say 'amen' together, to pray together, while avoiding it becoming about ourselves. Which is as challenging in cyberspace as anywhere else.

I love sharing words in prayer, it's a way I express myself to God among others, appreciating the fact we can all say 'amen' together and help each other express the concerns of our hearts. I just have to watch for those dastardly motives that slyly nip in round the back when I'm not looking.

As for the title of this post 'can a retweet be a prayer?', it gives me pause. Do I actually pray before I click 'retweet'? Or am I doing it because I think I should or (horrors,again) because I want to look good? And I mean 'good' in all its fulness.

Oh, I'm such a righteous soul, behold my retweet?

Or, as I mentioned earlier, am I expressing myself in someone else's words - as people have been doing for centuries - in order to focus my prayers? The latter, I'm okay with. The former - eek.

Perhaps the key is to stick with the liturgies of the centuries - but sometime we do want to pray very specifically for something, or feel moved to use our own words. And then again, if we worry too much about our motives, we freeze up completely. And we don't pray at all, which is not good. Gah. In all things, we need a healthy self awareness without getting paranoid about everything we do.

And now I feel genuinely moved to pray, but under the circumstances I hesitate, in turmoil. How to avoid the very thing I'm concerned about?

I'll stick with the following:

Argh! Lord, help?!

prayer as a gift

Last night I was reading an excerpt from Tom Smail's 'Praying with Paul', in BRF's Quiet Spaces journal. Had one of those moments when I was struck by a mere few words.

He talked about how most of us, however theologically well-versed, carried an underlying sense that prayer and worship are things we must do in order to get in touch with God.  Somehow we have to cover the distance in order to communicate with him.  It's a real effort - and we feel we need the right techniques and quite a lot of spiritual strength to even try and reach the 'target' of God.  It's not something we would word that way, but it feels like it.

But then he suggests:

 "What if prayer were not this kind of task that daunts us, but a free gift graciously given and to be gratefully received? What if it were not the testing means by which we try to reach God but the kind provision that he makes to reach us?" Tom Smail, Praying with Paul

Prayer as God's provision to us.  A different way of looking at something we may struggle with - a release to know that it is an opportunity and a privilege for us to be able to pray - to talk to God!

I'm thinking about prayer at the moment and I found this a very releasing way of looking at it - it's not about the effort we make but the gift we've been given.  It becomes full of potential - 'how can I use this gift?', rather than 'how can I make the effort?'

outstretched

Lord, I believe - help my unbelief.
I come with outstretched hands,
so aware of their trembling -
knowing their frailty and their
cruelty, their tenderness and
their thoughtlessness.

Awash with the awareness
of all that needs changing
within me, and asking you
to work another miracle in me,
transforming and moulding,
making me sparkle again.

Take all that is broken and
wrong; cleanse the muddy
and the murky, the feeble
and the false, and all
my unwillingness to make
an effort to change.

I turn around,
turn my face towards you.
Forgive. Restore. Renew.
Create in me a pure heart
as I follow this path, learning
to be your disciple.

thoughts on newness and resolving

These days I don't make official New Year's Resolutions.  There is nothing so paralysing as my own expectations of myself.  I like to think of having hopes, dreams, intentions.

But if I'm honest, there's always a giant To Do List in my head and at the beginning of the year, after Christmas is over and there is a sense of starting - yes, it does gain more weight.  Something in the mentality of the season, together with the usual break from the ordinary in late December, means that I return home with a mind unusually geared up for action.

Some of the things on the To Do List are rather trivial and hardly worthy of a New Year's Resolution (NYR), such as 'must clean out that drawer'.  Other hopes/dreams/intentions are rather more profound: 'I would like to be more courageous/wise/disciplined'.  All, of course, are personal in some degree, because they are within my sphere of influence.  'Achieve world peace' would be rather unobtainable since I am not the only person on earth.  However, I can think about how I interact with family and friends.  I think about what I choose to say or not say.  When I choose to stand up, when I choose to sit down.

As I noted in the last edition of our church magazine, I rather like the idea of prayers for the year rather than resolutions.  And certainly, it gives a different emphasis.  'Dear Lord, I would like more courage/wisdom/discipline this year,' has a degree of co-operation involved, no longer a lonely pursuit but a conscious decision to ask for help.  Or as the wise man once said in a rowing boat - you can row and pray at the same time.  The two are complimentary.


So, although wary of making NYRs, I do have a gentle bundle of intentions.  Of hopes.  Of prayers.  And the word 'New' carries a certain sense of possibility.  I went through a stage a couple of years ago when I pondered the nature of potential and worried that left on the shelf too long, covered in the dust of years, it shrivels into nothing.

Such a thought did not hold in the long term, since it doesn't fit with my worldview.  I believe in a God who redeems, a God who is constantly taking things off the shelf and transforming them into something beautiful. The potential you left behind may take a different shape now, but with a bit of imagination, who knows what it will be? Even if it's been left there for years.

You may just need a bigger duster.

Of course, pondering the nature of newness, I remind myself that 'his mercies are new every morning', and I certainly don't have to wait until January 1st to consider how great is the faithfulness of YHWH, the great I-AM, always was, always is, always will be.

on a day of remembering

Remembrance Sunday, 2009

giver of hope,
walk among those
who see no possibility
of a life unscarred by violence

bringer of light
sit down beside those
who see only darkness
and have barely a candle flame

bestower of love
carry the ones
who can no longer walk
without stumbling over grief

sender of peace
come to those
who walk continually
on the shards of war
that litter our world

give hope, bring light, bestow love victorious

send peace
O God of peace,
on this our day of remembrance.

***

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

- Lawrence Binyon, For the Fallen

memory lane: the God who hears

Today's memory is a simple one of when I was in my mid to late teens. I'd been hearing lots of stories about how people had become Christians. I have always loved hearing such testimonies, but I was struggling at that time as I longed to remember my first profession of faith. many of us 'grow' into faith by stages, and it is hard to catalogue the 'moment' - especially as in my case, where I could not remember a time when I had not accepted, and indeed loved, God.

I knew that when I was 7 I had echoed a prayer led from the front at a church camp we had attended. Today I would see this as one of many steps of faith, but it was very important to me then that I could remember what was my first real declaration and invitation - my first commitment. But try as I might, I could remember nothing of how I felt. And as a teenager, this troubled me.

One day I knelt down in my room and asked God to help me remember, so desperate that I was literally crying. After a while, I felt the burden lift, and I let it go.

A few days later I was on a blank tape search. This happened often at this time as I had started writing songs, and not being able to write music adequately, I would record them onto tape. (Some of them are predictably cringe-some. Others could be worse.) Anyway, my mum was trying to hunt some out and came across some tape recordings of the church camp we had been on all those years ago. Sidetracked from my original intent, I was fascinated. One of them was the same service which afterwards, I had made my first commitment to following Jesus.

I often listened to talks on tape at this time, so I put it on while I pottered around doing other things. The talk was actually very appropriate for me at the time, and I appreciated it. What I did not expect was the recording to go on running after the talk had finished. Frozen to the spot, I listened to the minister of our then church talk about following Jesus for ourselves, and then leading a prayer which people could join in with if they so desired.

There were tears pouring down my cheeks as I listened to the words that I had whispered on my mother's lap as a shy 7 year old, as the feeling of the moment overwhelmed me. It was wonderful hearing the words, and knowing their significance over time. And underlying all of this, was a huge surge of gratitude that God had heard me and answered my prayer, in such a down-to-earth way. Gratitude that he was concerned with me - me - so tiny in this world. He hears the concerns of our hearts - and he heard mine.

As I said, today I would see my faith as a journey of many significant moments, but then, it mattered to me particularly that I should remember this first declaration of faith. I am still very grateful for this moment. It was such a simple thing, yet it meant so much to me.

Today: 3-4/10, medium

a prayer

I want to follow wholeheartedly;
I want to liberate the words of love
which are so often neglected,
shackled by fear, regret,
pain, or often
simple forgetfulness.

I want to articulate
the truth of you, to discover
and to share my discovering;
instead of merely staring
at a blank page, or
empty lines.

Crying out to be a voice,
but having so very little strength,
completely lacking, and thus
completely dependent
on what you choose to give,
and I accept.

So weary of weariness,
wanting the chance to transform,
to change, to be other
than what I am now,
to unclog that which is stuck,
and let it flow freely.

O God - my prayer.
Turn my greys into vivid reds,
blues, greens, vibrant yellows;
turn my life from the chains
and enable my mind and body
to serve you absolutely.

Today: 3-4/10, medium high

on this day

on this day
may hope rise out of forgotten places
as spring emerges from the depths of winter
may joy scatter its petals on your hearts
and faith hold up your arms

on this day
may love caress the aching scars
and ease the hidden pains you carry
allowing you to nestle in the care
of your one protector

on this day
may radiance transform your faces
and sink deep, soul deep, beneath the skin
encouraging you to believe that life
will be beautiful yet

interceding

An Australian friend texted me last night to ask for my prayers for those affected by the devastating fires... The situation has often come into my mind the past few days; I cannot imagine the terror or speed of such fires, and the fact that some may have restarted them deliberately defies belief. I was once in a fire - minuscule in comparison, but it sensitises me to it and when watching the screen and hearing of the killing (death seems too weak a word when a car is engulfed so quickly in fire that the occupants cannot escape, even for the fires that were accidental) I feel a flicker of terror at such an untame-able foe. I pray for comfort and help for those dealing with such devastating loss - beyond that my prayer is mute, offered from my small heart in my small hands.

I'm reminded that in an age of globalisation my neighbour is both living in my street and also the opposite side of the world. I'm reminded that there are many desperate situations the world over. I'm reminded of my own apathy. I am reminded of my helplessness, but also my obligation to remember those suffering deeply in our societies and in our world. I'm reminded I should be interceding for others frequently. When I am tempted to walk by on the other side, even unconsciously, I try and imagine myself in their place - not that I can ever come close to capturing or understanding in my own self the suffering of another - but at least to practise empathy in the best way I can, and in so doing, not forget.

Never forget.

for the coming year

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.

Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all who love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

(attributed to St Patrick)

I find myself frustratingly wordless, so I use the above to express some of my hope for this coming year. I am all too aware of my wants and my wantings - that which I lack in strength and character. I am all too aware of my weakness and my apathy - all that I could choose to be, and yet do not. I am all too aware of the emptiness of my hands - so little to give, compared with what I have been given. I am all too aware of the weariness that threatens to consume me - and eats at my hope like a hungry predator.

So I make my offering with limp, empty hands - such as I am, I attempt to give you. Where I hold back, forgive me, and teach me how to let go.

Recent: 3-4/10, medium-high

politics and prayer

Ah, so Obama did it. I wasn't particularly surprised, although I experienced a sudden surge of trepidation a moment before I found out, and prayed desperately 'let it be the right person'. I'm afraid I didn't watch the election coverage - which for us GMT-ers meant staying up between midnight and 6am - not something that is wise for me to do these days!

In a disjointed way, this reminds me of something I was challenged with several months back, and need to be reminded of again - the need to pray for our leaders and those in government. Here in the UK there is quite a lot of disillusionment about politics and many are choosing not to engage with it at all. But I think of the immense responsibility and pressure our leaders are under. I could never do that, cope with that, be that. But somehow I neglect, so easily, to simply pray - for wisdom, strength, sensitivity, diplomacy...I think I need to zap up my intercessionary praying overall, in fact. So often I pray for others when I am moved to do so - but what about all those times when I sink into apathy? - so many times. If I'm honest, the majority of them. Here's a thought: compare how often we criticise our leaders, with how often we pray for them. That thought makes me stare at the floor and shuffle my feet...

I think I shall try and write down all these things / people in a notebook and discipline myself to go through it regularly. I have such good intentions, but I am so easily distracted. Such good intentions...so easily distracted. (Remind me, please!!!)

Do you ever have moments when you realise you are still very near the beginning of journeying to maturity in lots of ways - simple ways and yet you so easily neglect them?

Lord don't let me forget
to pray for others
those with needs,
responsibilities,
those with power,
or powerlessness.

a far country

"Today the heart of God is an open wound of love. He aches over our distance and preoccupation. He mourns that we do not draw near to him. He grieves that we have forgotten him. He weeps over our obsession with muchness and manyness. He longs for our presence...

For too long we have been in a far country:
a country of noise and hurry and crowds,
a country of climb and push and shove,
a country of frustration and fear and intimidation.

And he welcomes us home:
home to serenity and peace and joy,
home to friendship and fellowship and openness,
home to intimacy and acceptance and affirmation."

Richard Foster, Prayer

Lord, so often I forget you. Help me to remember.

So often I am engrossed in that 'far country' - easily distracted, easily bored, easily forgetful.

Help me to remember you, and refuse to live by the expectations of others (and myself), but seek to follow you alone.

Today: 4/10, medium - high (neck worse than head)

mercy

merciful one
your mercy pours down
it is thicker than my tears
deeper than the hurts, doubts, fears
bigger than the years
and all of what has been done
or not been done

for what you do
outstrips them all
o love giver,
strength granter
to the weak and the weary
even in heaviness
I see your beauty

it is lighter than a feather
yet more substantial
than the ocean's weight
it is my longed-for
hoped-for, lived-for -
it is brighter than all
that dazzles my eyes

a psalm of my own

Was searching (unsuccessfully) for something in one of my old paper journals recently (you know - you have to use a pen), when I found this. Like a psalm of my own, written at a time I was struggling with my role and purpose in life - and of course the broken record that is the fatigue. Thought I would record it here...

O Lord, help me,
my heart is heavy;
it has sunk into the pit
of my stomach,
and my head resonates with the
drum, drum, drum
of daily living.
Where is my hope, O God?
Where has my strength gone?

It has evaporated,
and I am weak, limp
like withered petals,
like drooping leaves.
How can a drooping plant bloom?
How can a withered flower rejoice?
Yet I will hope in my Lord
my Lord, my Saviour.

Forgive sweet Lord my unbelief
do not let my physical weakness
drain away and suck up
my inspiration
like a vacuum cleaner.
Help, I am wilting,
I am unable to stand.
What is the purpose of my existence?
I want to glorify you forever
but I am too weak to shine.
My light grows dim;
I am a smouldering wick.
Take pity, Lord, on my confusion.

Have mercy, O God,
on all my nonsenses,
on all my fickle hope,
on all my dim-wittedness.
Take away this buzz-buzz
buzzing of my brain
and be that still small voice
beautiful.

O God!
I feel the despair swarm in my veins;
it wants to get out,
to spill in all directions.
But who would be willing to clear up the mess?
Only you, O Lord,
have a broom that wide.
Sweep, Lord, sweep me up,
spring clean me with concentrated hope,
set love alive and polish me
with faith, so that
I could shine, O God.

Do not let me fade.
Do not leave me.
Do not turn your face away!
Speak in your glorious whisper
so that I may recognise you,
in the cham-ching-clamouring
of my mind.

I admit, as I typed this up, I added the line 'like a vacuum cleaner' because it was something that struck me today as I was grappling with the vacuum hose how the fatigue sucked energy out of me...but also I pondered my desire that I wish I could suck out the fatigue itself. Sucked out in one big squuuueeeeecccchhh and leaving me lighter, without the grey stuff in my veins - which how I picture it sometimes.

Today: 4/10, medium

inescapable God

After claiming I wouldn't get the chance to complete anything for the current Salt Challenge, I did put together a scrapbook page last night. The photo I took a couple of years ago - I use it often in cards. The theme is 'he knows me inside and out' based on Psalm 139.

Some time ago now, I led a service based loosely around Psalm 139, particularly focussing on verse 12:
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
There are many times in life when we cannot see God, but as this Psalm makes clear, he can always see us. He is our inescapable God. I find interesting the similarity of verses 1 and 23, the first a statement - O LORD you have searched me and you know me - and the other a request, no, an invitation - Search me, O God, and know my heart. This verse shows a desire to be known completely by God, a desire I long to have daily.

I used verses 23 -24 to springboard into the prayers in the service, and I thought I would share them here.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my thoughts.
See if there is any wicked way in me
and lead me in the way everlasting. Ps 139:23-24

Lord, only you know the thoughts and motives of our hearts,
better than we know ourselves.
Search us, Father, in all our brokenness and need
cleanse us and renew us.
Shine your light into the dark places,
and forgive us for all that is wrong within us.
May we grow closer and closer to you,
deeper in our knowledge of you
and better imitators of your son, Jesus Christ.

Our world is filled with darkness,
and only you know the full extent of it.
Do not let us give up hope,
for you are the source of hope
and you uphold the world
in all its brokenness.

Father, for the injured, the sick, the poor and the hungry
for the lonely, the grieving, the lost and the weary,
for the bitter, the angry, the broken and the despairing
bring your healing, your sustenance, your light
and your hope.

May we never let go of you – for you are the only one
who can heal our world.

Today: 4/10, medium

Yesterday: 4/10, medium

take my heart

'Accustom yourself to commune with God, not with thought deliberately formed to be expressed at a certain time, but with the feelings with which your heart is filled. If you enjoy His presence, and feel drawn by the attraction of His love, tell Him that you delight in Him, that you are happy in loving Him, and that he is very good to inspire so much affection in a heart so unworthy of His love.

But what shall you say in seasons of dryness, coldness, weariness? Still say what you have in your heart. Tell God that you no longer find His love within you, that you feel a terrible void, that He wearies you, that His presence does not move you. Say to Him, "O God, look upon my ingratitude, my inconstancy, my unfaithfulness. Take my heart, for I cannot give it; and when Thou hast it, oh, keep it, for I cannot keep it for Thee, and save me in spite of myself. '

Francois de la Mothe Fenelon

I read this some time ago, and kept meaning to note it here.

Today: 4/10, medium

maybe

maybe I'm silly, but I need you
I need you like a warm blanket to wrap around me
I need you to shelter me from my fear
from the buzzing world

maybe I'm silly, but I need you
to help me with things others find easy
to hold my hand because I can't
stand alone

maybe I'm silly, but I need you
I feel swamped with weariness
I need your rest, your peace
to still me.

maybe I'm silly, but I can't do anything,
anything at all, without you
maybe I'm silly
maybe.

the friendship of God

sometimes, for all my years of following you,
I don't know how to approach you
you in all your awesome huge-ness
my little 'I love you's seem rather tiddly
my insecurities more than just faintly
ridiculous. and yet you know me inside
and out, so how do I balance your all-power
with your all-knowing, bow down and worship
and alongside confide in you the trivialities
of my fears. what does it mean to be a friend
of GOD? I can't fix you a hot chocolate or invite
you to a movie - you're there any way, but
it's different, isn't it? I want to treat you
rightly - but that sounds condescending
how can I condescend GOD? I long to hear
your voice but often I fear to - wriggling
and writhing my way around your words which
aren't always comforting, though when I finally
stop and say yes I wonder what on earth I was
wriggling about in the first place.
I want to be a friend of GOD but still honour
you as GOD, I feel the thrill of the paradox
of the transcendent and the immanent - using
big words now to try and put it in the right
boxes, but you will not be boxed, you are
not predictable or comfortable and yet you
are utterly reliable and your comfort when
it comes is all the comfort I ever need
this prayer can never end because you
never end and the fact of the matter is
I do not always know how to approach you
but I come
anyway