getting ready...and a lovely present

I have been getting myself together today as my mum and I are going away this weekend to a Christian conference /retreat centre here in the UK. I'm travelling to my parents' house tomorrow and then we'll go on from there on Friday. Hence I won't be online for a few days. Am hoping it will be a good, replenishing time for both of us. Hopefully the trains will behave tomorrow - especially as I have reserved seats (much cheaper to do it in advance) and have to change twice.

On a different note, Amanda over at Kre8ive Life sent me this lovely creation which arrived in the last week - a gorgeous stitched notebook cover made with recycled materials (with a notebook included) - such a good present for a writer. She is a very talented artist.

Have a look at what she made me:



Lovely, isn't it? She's just won a Kreativ Blogger award - well deserved! I also love the fact that it's removable - so when I've filled one notebook I can transfer it to the next...with that cute built in bookmark!

twittering, in various ways

Went to Craft Club at church this morning. A little low on numbers, but nobody seemed to mind. Took my cardmaking stuff (last time I took scrapbooking). Nice to be with others and have lots of delicious S-P-A-C-E. I am perpetually filling up my table in the spare room as it is very multi-purpose! I quite like listening to others chat when I'm feeling tired; very undemanding but still feeling part of things, which is important for me.

The goldfinches have made it to our new nyjer feeder in the garden which is lovely to see. The blue and great tits are frequently up and down the seed feeders and the peanut feeder, twittering away.

Speaking of which, I am now on Twitter, after having no particular desire for twittering (except verbally, which I do quite frequently!), impulsively signed up. Have discovered it may be beneficial with someone with as poor a short term memory as me! Still, I suspect there will be patches I forget all about it! If you want to follow me, you can find me here. You'll get to 'hear' my burbling about the silliest things, no doubt. It's also in my sidebar...

Made three cards this morning. Inspiration was a bit slow in coming, but never mind. It's nice to be creative with other people.

Various jobs this afternoon...must go have lunch. Always find lunch awkward. I feel empty, but can never think of something I feel like eating. End up spending ages hovering in the kitchen, frowning and muttering....

Today:4/10, medium

Charlie and the Snake

(Don't worry, not a real snake!)

To answer angeljoy's comment on my previous entry, I shall tell you all that Charlie seems to be doing very well. His weight is now good and healthy for his size, and he is very cheerful in himself. Occasionally I give him some painkiller if it looks like his mouth is sore, otherwise I stick to giving him pro-biotic powder which helps his system cope with more food. I am weighing him once a week in a washing up bowl on top of digital scales, which has varied results depending on his level of patience (and probably mine too!)

He enjoys jumping off his ramp in his hutch (Charlie likes any kind of jumping and leaping) and goes somewhat crazy when let loose in the lounge, hopping and binking all over the place. I only learnt it was called binking the other day - a kind of little twisty jump kick which is very cute :) He'll have another check up in March when he gets his jab.

The other thing I was going to share with you, for the benefit of the crafty ones (!) among you, was this snake card I made for my nephew's 8th birthday at the end of January. It took quite a bit of time and needed lots of reinforcing because of the shape, but I was quite pleased with it. So not a real snake, and nowhere near Charlie. But it sounds like a book title, doesn't it - Charlie and the Snake ?!





Today: 3/10, high

cardmaking: let's sail away

Yesterday: 4/10, medium

Today: 3-4/10, medium high

hope

The latest Salt Challenge is on hope, which I very much wanted to do, as hope is something I often ponder.


Like faith and love, hope is directional. We hope for something, we hope in something, we are hopeful about something. There is sense that it is not entirely to do with the present, but something beyond it. Hope often expresses itself in the future tense.

But often the future is blurred to us; it is unknown. Therefore when we place our hope in something it is heavily linked to trust - we are ascribing to this thing, or this person, a reliability, a trustworthiness, an ability to do what we can't. Hope believes that life will not always remain as it is, whether on the small scale of days and weeks, or on a larger scale. Hope looks towards something.


When I place my hope in God I am saying - it is He who holds my past, present and future. And nothing is impossible for Him.

A few more thoughts on hope can be found in this entry.

Today: 4/10, medium
Yesterday: 3/10, medium

rest

The current Salt challenge is rest - here is the scrapbook page I made for this theme.



I think on the nature of rest quite a lot these days, since I have these scheduled rests as part of my Occupational Therapy programme for CFS/ME. It makes me think about how we rest - what we consider rest to be - what is restful, and what is not. My routine stipulates that these times should be deeper rest than I might otherwise choose to have - calling things like reading, drinking a cup of tea, watching the TV, low-level activity. Actually, I find it hard work to rest in this way, which is actually rather ironic.

We find it hard to stop and be still. We find it hard not to have something to look at, engage with, think about. Well, I do, anyway. What about you?
We also get caught up with today's idea that success is all about what we achieve - and we easily think of rest as necessary - but not particularly constructive. Well I do, anyway. What about you?

We forget that the reason for the Sabbath day in the Old Testament was rest - pure and simple. It was a time when people stopped. Just stopped. And it also made allowances for those who did not have the same control over their lives - servants - even animals. They all got to rest. Jesus himself said that the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. It was beneficial for the creatures God had made.

We may not keep the Sabbath in the same way as under the old covenant, but I think we need to retain the principle. People need rest. All people. We all need time to recharge. We need to learn to see that rest is a constructive thing - not a thing to get through so we can get on with the rest of the 'to-do' list. Not a thing we should feel guilty about. We get frazzled, particularly in a climate like ours, where expectations are high and achievements praised, where we are constantly looking for the next entertainment, the next distraction.

We have forgotten how to quieten our hearts. So perhaps this verse is in fact very apt for us. Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Lord, teach me how to sit at your feet again.
Teach me how to listen.
Teach me how to simply be in your presence.
Teach me how to let go of my burdens and carry a different, lighter load.
Teach me how to rest.
Teach me to stop following the expectations of the world and society and culture and other people and myself - but instead to follow yours.
Finding that they, after all, are the lightest, kindest of them all - for you understand my needs as a whole being - body, mind, soul all wrapped together - and give me that shalom - that wholeness that leads to a healthy approach to life in this world.

inescapable God

After claiming I wouldn't get the chance to complete anything for the current Salt Challenge, I did put together a scrapbook page last night. The photo I took a couple of years ago - I use it often in cards. The theme is 'he knows me inside and out' based on Psalm 139.

Some time ago now, I led a service based loosely around Psalm 139, particularly focussing on verse 12:
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
There are many times in life when we cannot see God, but as this Psalm makes clear, he can always see us. He is our inescapable God. I find interesting the similarity of verses 1 and 23, the first a statement - O LORD you have searched me and you know me - and the other a request, no, an invitation - Search me, O God, and know my heart. This verse shows a desire to be known completely by God, a desire I long to have daily.

I used verses 23 -24 to springboard into the prayers in the service, and I thought I would share them here.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my thoughts.
See if there is any wicked way in me
and lead me in the way everlasting. Ps 139:23-24

Lord, only you know the thoughts and motives of our hearts,
better than we know ourselves.
Search us, Father, in all our brokenness and need
cleanse us and renew us.
Shine your light into the dark places,
and forgive us for all that is wrong within us.
May we grow closer and closer to you,
deeper in our knowledge of you
and better imitators of your son, Jesus Christ.

Our world is filled with darkness,
and only you know the full extent of it.
Do not let us give up hope,
for you are the source of hope
and you uphold the world
in all its brokenness.

Father, for the injured, the sick, the poor and the hungry
for the lonely, the grieving, the lost and the weary,
for the bitter, the angry, the broken and the despairing
bring your healing, your sustenance, your light
and your hope.

May we never let go of you – for you are the only one
who can heal our world.

Today: 4/10, medium

Yesterday: 4/10, medium

think on this...

This is the simple card I made for the current Salt Challenge. The gems I used for the flower centres are larger than I wanted them - but I've run out of the smaller ones.


How hard it is to direct our thoughts! There are those who are, by temperament, much more disciplined in their thinking than others - and there are those who can, amazingly, completely empty their minds. But I am so easily distracted! My mind burbles and bustles, tumbles and trundles, whirls and wiggles until I just want to say shut up. Directing my thoughts, and meditating, is a discipline I have been trying to learn, especially with the scheduled rests that are part of the lifestyle manage programme for my CFS/ME. At the moment I am finding it tremendously difficult...but I am digressing (something my mind is very, very good at).

How easy it is to have our minds dwell on unhelpful things. These can be dark, evil things, but they can also be more subtle. How easily we can become frantic or anxious. How easily we can forget to look towards the light. This is a challenge for me because I have such a chaotic mind. It goes off track very easily. Thus I find it hard to have long, established quiet times with God like some people do. I want to. I want to think about things of God instead of things of me, of my worries, of negative thoughts about life and health, about future and circumstance. I want to direct my thoughts towards things such as those in this verse, and sometimes I succeed. And sometimes I don't. I can only be honest with God, and pray that he helps me.

Today I had a doctor's appointment, with my new doctor. She seems nice - my records haven't caught up with me yet so I had to give a brief resume - not the easiest thing and I gabbled on rather fast as I didn't want to take up too much of her time! Still, she was helpful, and I think I will be able to talk to her in future, which was the whole point of changing. She upped my dosage of the tablets I am on for my head, as I am on a very tiny dose, to see if that helps. Even the new dosage is classified as small, so I am happy with that.

I have an appointment at the clinic of the CFS/ME service tomorrow. I think they are worried that I am getting depressed and not managing very well. As I said to my doctor, I would describe my feelings as emotionally weary. Because I am so wretchedly tired, and this frustrating headache / neck ache in addition to it, I feel ill equipped to deal with events - whether they be physically or mentally demanding. I feel very easily swamped, and drawn to anxiety. But it is not constant - it is only on the days I am particularly tired, or when circumstances have piled up unhelpfully. I pray that the discussion will be constructive and I can go away feeling comfortable with the outcome.

Do you ever wish you had an 'off' switch? Or at least a 'standby' mode where you weren't thinking anything, just recharging? I do.

Today: 4/10, high

cardmaking: black and white

recently made cards

and God saw that it was good

This is a 12 x 12 scrapbook page for the latest Salt Challenge - "and God saw that it was good". The photo doesn't give an entirely realistic impression of the colours, but you get the idea. I drew the picture in watercolour pencils and went over with a wet brush. The sun is a shape from a Papermania pastel shapes set, I went over it again with a darker yellow pencil and 'weathered' it with an emery board. I used E-Z walnut ink around the edges and added flower sequins to the foreground.

Background papers are from a Scrap Pad by DCWV, lettering is from an alphabet book from HOTP - except 'good' which I cut out using computer font as template, and smudging it with a bit of walnut ink. I used the fine tip of a Whispers dark brown brush marker to write the verse. I probably spent longer on this than most of the challenges because of all the cutting out involved, and creating the picture. Would love to know what you think.

Today: 5/10, medium
Yesterday: 5/10, medium - low

Tuesday: 4-5/10, medium

day out

Today we went up to visit Andy's parents. Nice to be out for the day, though we were tired when we got back home. Found a rather nice craft shop and picked up some bits - got very excited over scrapbook papers and chipboard letters! I gave a copy of 'Fragile World' to Andy's parents. They are now ready when people want them - I have some 'on order' already.

Today: 4-5/10, medium

Patience

My creation for the latest Salt Challenge. I used some freebie papers to create this simple card, with a photo I took back in springtime (wistful sigh for the coolness of spring).



Andy spoke on Sunday on 'and what next' - talking about taking time out in a 'no waiting' culture - how we need everything instantly. If we go to a fast food joint and don't get fast food, our irritation quickly soars. We want what we want now. No wonder patience is such a challenge. It reminds me I need to practise patience in the small day to day things. How otherwise can I practise it with the larger things in life? He talked about asking God 'and what next?' - perhaps putting down a ministry, perhaps taking up a new one. I found this very relevant - mine in some ways has been an enforced rest. Would I have put down all the things I was involved in without it? Would I have had my heart turned in such an unexpected direction? I don't know, right now, where this direction will lead. My challenge is to be both patient and faithful - not losing sight, but consciously waiting on God, having a heart that listens but does not grab for immediacy. A heart that understands the need for growth and maturity. That the destination is only possible because of the kind of journey I have taken.

rejoice

All right, this is for the current challenge on Salt. The team there have created some absolutely beautiful projects. I wish I could create that kind of impact. Oh well, practice makes perfect (or at least better, I hope!)



This week I need to sort out lots of things, especially in the garden. Various bits and pieces need potting on or planting out. I'm aware of all the things that need pruning, tying back, tidying up, but know I can't set myself impossible goals. There is a continual war between my energy and my ambitions (even on a small scale), if I do. I have to accept that I can't do all that I would like. Feeling very weary. And still haven't posted photos from last week. Rest stop 3 approaches so we'll see how I feel after that. Everything in segments! Sigh. It's necessary, though. In all these things I have to remember where to find my joy. It's that constant need to study my priorities, to see what is most important, and re-order my approach to life accordingly. It's not an easy thing, especially when something in me simply wants to howl.

Psalm 19 - better late than never!

I know this is late for the last Salt Challenge, but hopefully no-one will mind. I used an old photo I'd discarded as the image was slightly blurry, but it worked well as a background, which I wrote on directly. What would I do without my white gel pen! The background is from a Papermania 8x8 Pastel Colossal pack, dotty paper overlaid with strips from starry paper (cut with decorative scissors). I rounded the corners of the photo and matted it on to vellum of a slightly paler shade than the background (with some more gel pen for impact). Added some sparkly ric-rac, and voila! Nothing hugely complex or stunning, but looks quite nice on a wall, actually, if I find a place to put it. Apologies for the upward slant at the end of the verses, I did so well with the first four lines...but was feeling a little sleepy at the time and didn't notice til I'd finished - d'oh!

On reading these verses I was struck by what creation does tell us about the glory of God. If we think - why did God create such an enormous universe?? Sometimes I have thought of it is God's extravagance in creation, but I think the real answer is that it declares his glory to us. And if we see it with those eyes, and how wonderful it all is, we can can catch a hint of the gloriousness of God.

Note: Andy's Uncle died yesterday morning (his mother's sister's husband). We are waiting to hear when the funeral will be, hoping to be able to attend.

Yesterday: 4/10, headache awful
Today: ditto!

Father's Day cards

Andy's Dad's card:

My Dad's card:

I find using photos useful for masculine cards. And risked my own handwriting for the sentiment. If I do it briskly and confidently, I tend to go wrong less than I would if I do it cautiously and end up shaking!

cards

Have just finished printing off a couple of photos to make two Father's Day cards. The printer was a little bloopy and then the paper I used wasn't great, so I got a little cross (who, me?!) but I managed it eventually. Feeling a bit groggy today. We both woke up feeling shattered this morning, I don't know why. Perhaps because we had to close the window - the gutter outside (which includes the broken bit which belongs to next door - we're semi-detached) runs over when it rains and makes a real racket. Usually we sleep with the window open so maybe it affected our quality of sleep?!

Anyway, before I move too far away from the theme of cards, I thought I might show you the one I made for Dad's birthday (which always falls near Father's Day!) now that he has seen it. You may recognise the picture from a previous entry!

I also recently made a wedding card - unfortunately we had a special occasions clash and couldn't attend so I tried to make it extra nice. I wanted to use a photo, but needed to make a few alterations. Here is the original picture:

Then cropped in Photoshop, with some use of the red-eye tool and watercolour brush:

And on the finished card:

Today: 5/10, medium high
Yesterday: 5/10, medium
Tuesday: 5/10, ack! I can't remember!

beads, beads, beads

Made this during one of Andy's meetings this evening:

I'm particularly fond of turquoise. Shown here in the last rays of today's (beautiful) sun!

I need to get some slightly bigger memory wire as this is quite small in diameter and will only fit small wrists; neither does it cater for bigger beads very well. This next one I made a couple of weeks back - not so much my colouring but demonstrates using slender beads.

Energy rating: 5-6/10
Headache: medium low

walk in love

Here is my attempt at the latest Salt Challenge, "Walking in Love".



I have some thoughts on it I would like to record, but right now I have to clean the bathroom, among other things! In case I don't get around to it before the challenge is over, here it is. Watch this space for further comment /explanation!
..........

As soon as I read the theme for this challenge, I thought of different shoes. The idea being that sometimes it is much easier to love, and other times it is more difficult. There are times when love springs from us, bubbles up, as we willingly express it in our attitudes and actions to others. At other times we would much rather curl up and not bother making the effort to actively love; it is more of an act of will to say 'let me do that for you', to do something purely for another person. What I pray is that whatever my mood or circumstance (whatever 'shoes', whichever 'road') is that I will still act (walk) in love.

I've said this before, but it is a continuing lesson - our strength of character is not truly shown in the good times but in the difficult times. Being loving and acting in a way pleasing to God when all seems to be rising up against you is much harder - but by practising it we become more able to do it. It's a challenge to me because I know when I am horribly tired I become more sensitive to things, less calm in reacting to conflict or difficult situations. I need God's strength in these moments to help me 'walk in love', because the fatigue robs me of the control I need to be the person he wants me to be. I need his patience and his goodness- I need the fruit of the Spirit, not the fruit of my efforts, in order to honour him when the road is far too steep for me and I frequently stumble.

The wonderful thing is that God's mercy is 'new every morning'. Although I may frequently fail to 'walk in love' as I am called to do, he is faithful and forgiving and gives me a fresh start each day, using the difficult moments and what I consider my failures to teach and strengthen me. These lessons can be very painful at times but God can transform even my pain into something beautiful, if I trust him with it. If I clutch it to myself, picking at it, berating myself, collecting my failures like anti-trophies, I am not giving it to God to mend - instead I am propagating it, making it worse, and causing a cycle to start which is hard to get out of.

So I pray, Lord, may I walk in love even when I'm on a stony, difficult road and wearing the wrong kind of shoes. Help me, and when I stumble, help me to fix my eyes on you, not looking down at where I have fallen. I may stumble often, but with you I can grow stronger. I can learn to love where I would not naturally be loving, because of your Spirit within me. I need to stay close to you in order to do this. Help me stay close, so that I can act out of love, everything flowing from love, so that the world may look and know that I am your disciple.

Energy levels: 5-6/10
Headache: low - medium

another one

I made this yesterday evening while Andy was out. Think I've caught the bug!

Energy rating: 5/10

Heading: medium - high