knowing them by name

“MY OWN DESIRE to be useful, to do something significant, or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress. But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn’t be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them.”

– Henri Nouwen

Used in welcome service


H/T Missional Church Network  (image included)

arms wide open

You were not perplexed

when I dragged my muddy feet along your carpet,

pulled my broken suitcase through your door.

You were not put off

by the dirt under my fingernails,

or the stench of my unwashed heart.

You did not frown

when I jumped all over your furniture

and pulled all the crockery out of your cupboards;

you saw me coming –

muddy, broken, rejected –

and leapt up, beaming,

running to meet me

arms wide open

and cried “Come in!

I have been waiting for you!”

I’d sent no RSVP in response to your invitation,

but you waited anyway –

staring over the distance

between us, watching

for that first small step.

And then you ran, feet slapping

hands clapping, clothes flapping

to meet me –

arms wide open.

You gave me new clothes to wear,

mended my suitcase,

helped me clean under my fingernails. 

You applied the ultimate stain remover

to my heart – grace

pure and undiluted,

applied with just the right amount

of loving kindness,

washing away the embedded dust

and darkness, transforming

the stale dullness and beginning

a new, re-created brightness

in me, until I could no longer

imagine

what I had been without you.

(C) Lucy Mills 2011

Used during welcome service.

Image: source unknown

longing for the longing

'The soul must long for God in order to be set aflame by God’s love; but if the soul cannot yet feel this longing, then it must long for the longing. To long for the longing is also from God.'
~ Meister Eckhart

dancing partners

Who is your most regular dancing partner?

I had an inherent shyness as a child which morphed into sheer self-consciousness as a teen. I masked it by a kind of deliberate silliness, directing attention away from myself and onto another, not entirely real, persona. So much of the time I was dancing with fear. These days I have a more balanced approach to dealing with such twinges of shyness and self-consciousness, something more of a realistic approach to dealing with fears and anxieties – but they are not entirely absent; I have to swallow hard and overcome them. Sometimes it is very difficult. (It’s hard to explain to someone who has never struggled with the feeling of self-consciousness – that literal shrinking inside of you, begging to be elsewhere).

We all have factors in our lives which we deal with regularly. Things which lead us on a dance we do not like, filling up our dance cards until there is simply no room for anyone else. These factors can be anything: fear, worry, bitterness, anger, addiction, or very specific things that only we (& God) know about. They take their toll on us. I have learned from my experience with Chronic Fatigue that even confidence requires energy – on a physically bad day, overcoming that innate self-consciousness is much, much harder. And tiredness, of course, makes us more susceptible to these things – it makes me more susceptible to fear’s advances. And these advances, of course, tire me further.

It’s good to have a realistic view of these things in our lives, to acknowledge their presence – to note what inflames them or makes them more difficult to overcome. In this way we can learn to manage our ‘dance card’ better. Personally, I want to dance a different dance.

I want love to be my constant interrupter:
can I cut in?

For love is the nemesis of fear, overcoming those ‘twinges’ with a greater reality. In its true form, love is stronger, bigger, more powerful. I need no longer feel self-conscious because I am simply not dwelling on myself at all. I wish to reach the point when I am compelled to dance only by the love of Christ, nothing less.

I’m longing for the day when all the negative things inside me are ejected from the dance floor forever. When I will no longer know in part, but know fully the one who loves me and leads me on the greatest dance of all. When everything falls into it’s rightful place, placed into perfect perspective.

And I shall dance and dance and dance…
…and never, ever, tire.

***

Picture credit: 'Dance at Bougival' by Pierre-Auguste Renoir (1841-1919), Public Domain image

kiss

I've had a couple of suggestions I should join in with Abigail's Monthly Monday Poetry posts, but this is the first time I have participated. This is not a new poem, but written a few years ago - using the analogy of a kiss to try and describe something achingly profound.

kiss
so intrinsically human
this heart-movement
a flurry of glittering
emotions peppered
with awe, amazed -
herself in his company -
swaying touch of
a strange compatibility
and a unique sadness
found only in joy
of a soft and stirring
kind, which melds her,
to the gaze of eyes
impaired by weak human
vision and yet - glimpsing
a greater beneath
of the surface above
which is mere bubbling.

seeing the divine kiss
of God making man
and woman
the love-seal aching
our incompleteness
soothed yet scorched
by recognition
of the broken, but
sharing tears, surrendering
selfishness, wanting
more than what we came for.
approaching the remaking:
the promise of the kiss
that came and lived
among the scarred limbs,
this half way house
a painful tenderness.
hallowed ground
beneath our feet
may we always remember
to take off our shoes. (C) Lucy Mills

on this day

on this day
may hope rise out of forgotten places
as spring emerges from the depths of winter
may joy scatter its petals on your hearts
and faith hold up your arms

on this day
may love caress the aching scars
and ease the hidden pains you carry
allowing you to nestle in the care
of your one protector

on this day
may radiance transform your faces
and sink deep, soul deep, beneath the skin
encouraging you to believe that life
will be beautiful yet

no boundary

"The heart of Jesus loves us as we are and not as we should be, beyond worthiness and unworthiness, beyond fidelity and infidelity; He who loves us in the morning sun and the evening rain without caution, regret, boundary, limit, or breaking point."

Brennan Manning

do you know that you're beautiful

do you know that you’re beautiful
with your cold chapped hands
gripping the chair as you struggle to stand
do you know that you’re beautiful
with your hair out of place
holding the weight of the years in your face
do you know that you’re beautiful
do you know?

do you know that you’re beautiful
despite what you see
despite all the things that you wish you could be
do you know that you’re beautiful
every scar, every line
each bittersweet story carved over time
do you know that you’re beautiful
do you know?

do you know that you’re beautiful
your smile is unique
and yes, there may be a few gaps in your teeth
but do you know that you’re beautiful
so wonderfully made
in spite of the memories beginning to fade
do you know that you’re beautiful
do you know?

© Lucy Mills 2009

Started writing this poem some time ago - rediscovered the draft this afternoon and attempted to polish it off. Not sure if it is the absolute final draft, but we shall see.

God sees what the world does not, and the things that the world focuses on are of no consequence to him. Age, health and circumstance can never limit his love for us.

Today: 4/10, medium - high

walk in love

Here is my attempt at the latest Salt Challenge, "Walking in Love".



I have some thoughts on it I would like to record, but right now I have to clean the bathroom, among other things! In case I don't get around to it before the challenge is over, here it is. Watch this space for further comment /explanation!
..........

As soon as I read the theme for this challenge, I thought of different shoes. The idea being that sometimes it is much easier to love, and other times it is more difficult. There are times when love springs from us, bubbles up, as we willingly express it in our attitudes and actions to others. At other times we would much rather curl up and not bother making the effort to actively love; it is more of an act of will to say 'let me do that for you', to do something purely for another person. What I pray is that whatever my mood or circumstance (whatever 'shoes', whichever 'road') is that I will still act (walk) in love.

I've said this before, but it is a continuing lesson - our strength of character is not truly shown in the good times but in the difficult times. Being loving and acting in a way pleasing to God when all seems to be rising up against you is much harder - but by practising it we become more able to do it. It's a challenge to me because I know when I am horribly tired I become more sensitive to things, less calm in reacting to conflict or difficult situations. I need God's strength in these moments to help me 'walk in love', because the fatigue robs me of the control I need to be the person he wants me to be. I need his patience and his goodness- I need the fruit of the Spirit, not the fruit of my efforts, in order to honour him when the road is far too steep for me and I frequently stumble.

The wonderful thing is that God's mercy is 'new every morning'. Although I may frequently fail to 'walk in love' as I am called to do, he is faithful and forgiving and gives me a fresh start each day, using the difficult moments and what I consider my failures to teach and strengthen me. These lessons can be very painful at times but God can transform even my pain into something beautiful, if I trust him with it. If I clutch it to myself, picking at it, berating myself, collecting my failures like anti-trophies, I am not giving it to God to mend - instead I am propagating it, making it worse, and causing a cycle to start which is hard to get out of.

So I pray, Lord, may I walk in love even when I'm on a stony, difficult road and wearing the wrong kind of shoes. Help me, and when I stumble, help me to fix my eyes on you, not looking down at where I have fallen. I may stumble often, but with you I can grow stronger. I can learn to love where I would not naturally be loving, because of your Spirit within me. I need to stay close to you in order to do this. Help me stay close, so that I can act out of love, everything flowing from love, so that the world may look and know that I am your disciple.

Energy levels: 5-6/10
Headache: low - medium