not always

Text:

They did not always welcome me

their eyes sharp with distrust,

misunderstandings, spoiled hopes

grown sour and hard.

They did not always embrace me

more eager to pursue other things,

too choked by their concerns

too anxious-hearted, unable to

identify their own need.

They did not always accept me

too busy for such words as mine

finding them too difficult or

demanding, considering me

a blip, a bluster, a mad fool

and yet

I welcomed them in the very act

they used to reject me,

embraced them with the very arms

they pierced, stretched wide

accepted them as they were

- distrustful, anxious, dismissive

and pointed to the possibility of

a different reality

Words (C) Lucy Mills 2011

Used in welcome service

knowing them by name

“MY OWN DESIRE to be useful, to do something significant, or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress. But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn’t be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them.”

– Henri Nouwen

Used in welcome service


H/T Missional Church Network  (image included)

love bade me welcome

Used in welcome service

conditional welcome?

DO WE PLACE conditions on our welcome? Do we complete our sentences of welcome with phrases beginning ‘only if’? Do we only welcome when we expect gratitude or giving in return?

Used in welcome service

open and expansive and free

“Hospitality means inviting the stranger into our private space, whether that be the space of our own home or the space of our personal awareness and concern. And when we do so, some important transformations occur. Our private space is suddenly enlarged; no longer tight and cramped and restricted, but open and expansive and free.”

— Parker Palmer

Used in welcome service

H/T Missional Church Network

Image: Mine

welcome and rest

One thing I reflected on as I prepared the recent service about welcome was the importance of rest - which can be something integral to welcome (depending on the person's need).  If I am exhausted or stressed, the best welcome is one that indicates freedom to rest - to be at peace, to have nothing extra required of me.  Hospitality in this form creates a space where the daily concerns and demands of life can recede for a while, as the person's needs are cared for and provided for.

Do we sometimes make our 'welcome' too demanding?  Sometimes simply allowing someone space to breathe and be peaceful in a safe place is all the welcome they need.  This may entail protection of a sort - assuring them that you will be their watchman at the door, for want of a better way of putting it.  Sometimes I find one of the most valuable and appreciated welcomes of all are those where I'm told to come in, relax, don't feel the need to do anything or say anything.  I'll do it, for a while, so that you can have some rest.  I'll guard you from the demands, the questions, the things you cannot manage.  You are safe.  You are welcome here.

one person at a time

When do we see the need for welcome?

Is it when someone comes to stay with us?  Eat with us?  Have a drink with us?

Is it when new people come into our families, our communities, our church?

What about the smaller moments – when a child approaches to share a secret, when a friend needs a place to confide, when a family member longs to share the news of their day with us – do we make the effort to make them feel welcome too?  Or do we want to get on with what we’re doing and tell ourselves we’ll make time for them later?

Do we welcome the ordinary, small gestures of the everyday as well as the different and unusual?

How can we make welcome an attitude as well as an activity?

"HOSPITALITY, rather than being something you achieve, is something you enter. It is an adventure that takes you where you never dreamed of going. It is not something you do, as much as it is someone you become. You try and you fail. You try again. You make room for one person at a time, you give one chance at a time, and each of these choices of the heart stretches your ability to receive others. This is how we grow more hospitable — by welcoming one person when the opportunity is given to you.”

- Daniel Homan and Lonni Collins Pratt,  Radical Hospitality: Benedict’s Way of Love

Used in welcome service


H/T Missional Church Network

imperfect invitation

“IF WE WAIT until everything is perfect, we’ll never issue an invitation. Remember this: what is common to you is a banquet to someone else. You think your house is small, but to the lonely heart, it is a castle. You think your living room is a mess, but to the person whose life is a mess, your house is a sanctuary. You think the meal is simple, but to those who eat alone every night, pork and beans on paper plates tastes like filet mignon. What is small to you is huge to them.”

- Max Lucado, Outlive your Life

Used in welcome service 

welcome by listening

“LISTENING is always involved in hospitality. The most gracious attempts we can muster are meaningless if we do not actually hear the stranger. Listening is the core meaning of hospitality. It is something we can give anyone and everyone, including ourselves. It takes only a few minutes to really listen…

Hospitality is a way to counter the thousands of times another human being has felt less than human because others didn’t listen. Listening is the power of hospitality; it is what makes hospitality the life-giving thing it is."

- Daniel Homan and Lonni Collins Pratt, Radical Hospitality: Benedict’s Way of Love

This is one thing that I was particularly struck by when preparing the recent service. By listening to people, we are welcoming them. Welcoming their thoughts, valuing their opinions, providing them with a safe place to speak.  Our attentiveness is a welcome of its own.

For a fuller quote see here.

arms wide open

You were not perplexed

when I dragged my muddy feet along your carpet,

pulled my broken suitcase through your door.

You were not put off

by the dirt under my fingernails,

or the stench of my unwashed heart.

You did not frown

when I jumped all over your furniture

and pulled all the crockery out of your cupboards;

you saw me coming –

muddy, broken, rejected –

and leapt up, beaming,

running to meet me

arms wide open

and cried “Come in!

I have been waiting for you!”

I’d sent no RSVP in response to your invitation,

but you waited anyway –

staring over the distance

between us, watching

for that first small step.

And then you ran, feet slapping

hands clapping, clothes flapping

to meet me –

arms wide open.

You gave me new clothes to wear,

mended my suitcase,

helped me clean under my fingernails. 

You applied the ultimate stain remover

to my heart – grace

pure and undiluted,

applied with just the right amount

of loving kindness,

washing away the embedded dust

and darkness, transforming

the stale dullness and beginning

a new, re-created brightness

in me, until I could no longer

imagine

what I had been without you.

(C) Lucy Mills 2011

Used during welcome service.

Image: source unknown

a means of grace

“…HOSPITALITY  is a means of grace. It is an avenue, path, or opening to God’s grace in the world in which we both receive grace and pass it on to others. Means of grace are often very simple acts: eating together, praying together, listening to God’s word, or simply being together in fellowship.

Such concrete experiences become doors that open to the grace that infuses the universe. Hospitality is a way of life infused with grace, a participation in the grace of God all around us, not a set of particular actions or behaviours. Hospitality is more a matter of becoming attuned to grace, and participating in its movement, than it is trying to create a particular atmosphere or situation.

Put this way, hospitality can start to sound ethereal and vague. For hospitality is indeed less than discreet deeds and more of an orientation embedded in the Christian life, a way of being in the world that entails acts of welcome and sustenance, yet is more than those particular acts.

This way of being includes mercy, justice, and recognition. All of these characteristics speak of communities and individuals with a mature spiritual awareness of God’s grace and presence. It may be that the best way to cultivate hospitality is to cultivate a deep awareness of God’s grace and the means that open to it. Only out of that awareness and gratitude can hospitality be genuinely practiced.”

– Amy Oden, And You Welcomed Me: A Sourcebook on Hospitality in Early Christianity

Used in welcome service

Big hat tip to the Missional Church Network for resourcing me with so many lovely quotes!  Now I want to go and read the books - a good thing.

welcome and welcoming

On Sunday evening, I led a service at church on the theme of Welcome. As it was dubbed 'alternative worship' I let my creative impulses take over! At the front I had the communion table, with an array of cupcakes and the word 'welcome' stretched across the front. Around the church were several 'welcome stations' - using words and images to think and reflect upon the theme of welcome, being welcomed and being welcoming! These included photos, bible verses, quotes and poetry.  Some were displayed using digital scrapbooking software to frame them nicely.

The stations themselves were mainly decorated noticeboards with space around them, although at one 'station' I had pieces of paper where people could write down the things that made them feel welcome. There was also a big pile of bean bags in one corner, as well as a couple of little tables next to certain noticeboards with a vase of flowers, an open bible and a small wooden cross.

The idea was that people should feel welcome right there and then as well as reflecting on the theme in general. So as well as using liturgy, scripture and song we had some music playing in the background in the middle, where people could wander around the welcome 'stations', have a cupcake (!) or simply sit and reflect as they desired.

It was a good turn out for an evening service and as I began the service I noticed a couple of new faces.  One thing I had kept on imagining during my preparations was the possibility of someone walking in during the service.  Rather bemused, I prayed for this 'hypothetical' person during my preparations.  Imagine my quiet delight when someone did walk in during the service and was made to feel very welcome!

As usual there are things I wish I'd done differently but overall I think it went well and people were able to have space and time to feel welcome and reflect on the wider theme of hospitality, asking questions like 'what makes you feel welcome?', 'who are those who are made to feel unwelcome?' and 'how can we be more welcoming?'  I deliberately kept these questions broad - so that they encompassed areas of church, society, family, friends and communities, so that whatever their background, people would be able to think about these things.

I may, if I get the chance, post some of the quotes and resources I used as separate blog posts.  We're having some time off shortly and I deliberately won't be online much, but if I have time (!) I will schedule some posts!