this week's Wednesday wondering

I find it mildly fascinating that we tend to give hurricanes names...like Irene or Katia... as if somehow they are simply individuals who have worked themselves into a temper. In another situation, we might invite them round for a cuppa. Our tendency to anthropomorphise, I suppose (I'm not sure anthropomorphism can be converted to a verb, can it?).

 How did you guess? - yes, I have ironing to do.

and the rain, rain, rain...

IT'S WET.  Very wet.  The pond, which has a slow leak, has been effortlessly topped up.  Went out to lunch with a friend - as we walked (scampered?) back to her car the already incessant rain seemed to quadruple in strength.  Got soggy earlier trying to batten down the rabbit hutch (so Charlie didn't get soggy).

I haven't done any work today but decided to stop feeling guilty about it and allow myself to recharge and refresh my mind.  I think I've been experiencing overload on a few fronts, battling the tiredness, trying to be productive and failing - at least at what I thought was productive.  The house is terribly gloomy in this weather but a little lamplight made a cosy afternoon, plus another very lovely friend ran across the road with gorgeous lemon drizzle cake. Aren't friends wonderful?  I feel constantly blessed by them.

Anyway, as I've deliberately turned down my mind today I have no great philosophical statements to make.

But it is wet.  Most definitely.

warm strepsil, anyone?

Moment of amusement in discovering someone arrived on blog by searching for 'warm strepsil'.  I'm sure I've mentioned Strepsils before, but not convinced I specified the temperature.

Feeling very weary - life is busy and the tiredness is biting quite badly.  Ugh.

know what I mean?

DO YOU EVER have something you really want to say and do not know how to verbalise?  A realisation that has been creeping through, a lesson you've been learning, a sudden revelation?

But it does not seem to fit into words. You end up saying 'it's sort of like...', or 'you know when...' When you've finished speaking you feel you've done it an injustice, or said something entirely different.

It's just not easy to explain.

Sometimes time is the answer - gradually the words grow to fit, or the thoughts clarify themselves to an extent that  you can find a vocabulary for them.

As a writer, perhaps this perplexes me more than it would someone else. As someone who feels things deeply, perhaps I am inexplicable by nature!

Sometimes I would like to hand my feelings to someone, so they could borrow them for a moment. So they could catch the sense of what I'm saying, grasp the importance of what I'm learning. So they could understand my 'wow' moments without me having to constantly ask if they know what I'm getting at.

Looks like I'm having one right now.

Know what I mean?

an ode to the ironing pile

O! Great pile of washed clothes longing to be flattened
Desperate for those crinkles to be squeezed out and sleeves folded!
O! You have recently become a living beast,
crawling over the spare bed without concern for anything else.

O!  You eat up whatever you come across,
tentacles of trouser legs and even the occasional skirt
a monster made of pockets and collars
pleats and cuffs (actually I'm not sure this pile has anything pleated).

O!  For weeks I have stared at you,
watching you grow, lovingly tending you
and helping you (lots of washing being done)
and now, your time has come.

For here and now, today I announce
that I am about to do the ironing.






Image: from stock.xchng.  Please note that this is NOT my iron.  Mine is ever so slightly more modern.

one day I will draw noses

Once upon a time in this blog, I commented that I couldn't draw noses. This, I claimed, was a source of  frustration for me.

It still is.

Actually, I can draw noses. But they don't look like the nose I'm trying to draw. I can draw quite expressive portraits, but you'd have no idea who the subjects were. Have been trying to practise a little lately, as I hardly ever draw these days. Also, I've been attempting to teach myself to knit. Well - up until a couple of weeks ago. Then I started drawing noses (frustratedly).  It's been ages since I did any Greek revision. Oh, and I've started trying to learn German.

This as well as my normal occupation of writing, church stuff and all the other things in my life.  (The ironing pile has suddenly sprung to mind.  Argh.)

This is definitely not my nose

There are too many things I want to do in life. They're not, relatively speaking, always huge things. Just huge amounts of little things.

I pick away at one, and then at another. I can't quite stay still; I don't really want to. I've realised I thrive on variety. But I would like to get good at some of them and that means choosing, which irritates me.

How much do I want to be able to draw your nose?

It's a very hard question to answer.

Image from stock.xchng

writing and watermelons...sort of

Feel the need to write a vastly entertaining or astonishingly profound post.

Alas, such a thing is not forthcoming.

Have done various 'little jobs' today, including typing up the most recent instalments of the book, which inevitably includes editing and adding along the way.  (I managed to continue doing this even when the cavity wall insulation people were drilling holes a couple of feet from my head - impressive.  Earplugs were required, although it was still very very loud even when wearing them.)

At first it feels like a chore - sitting down to type up what I've already written - but soon it enlivens and inspires, reminding me of the reasons I am doing it and helping me breed further thoughts.  You may ask - why don't you type it from the start?  Well, sometimes I do.  But regular readers will know my love of notebooks - the paper kind - and how I love to sit in cafes scribbling aggressively, accompanied by a generous cup of coffee and possibly a packet of crisps or a banana. Last time I purchased a mini fruit salad which felt nice and naughty all at once.  It had watermelon in it.  What is it about watermelon?  Cool, crisp and refreshing.  It doesn't exactly go with coffee but never mind - I ate then drank.

I'm taking a trip this Wednesday to visit a pregnancy crisis centre to do some research for an article.  I'm assembling the pieces in order to make a pitch and hoping that someone will be interested!  It's one of those things where there are so many coincidences - people I know who are involved, stories I've been told - that I felt it was almost wasteful not to look into it further.  Those involved are very keen - I only hope I don't disappoint them.  Perhaps I should not feel so much for my subject matter - but passion (and compassion) are powerful things and I wouldn't want to write about certain things without them.

Rather than flutter about in the morning at home I shall probably go to the library (or neighbouring cafe!) first - get some thoughts flowing - although my current notebook is nearly full.  I'm sure I only just replaced the last one!

You never know, maybe I have some watermelon while I'm there...watermelon on the brain.  Is that normal?!

I can't seem to draw this post to a close; it's pure rambling.

I shall take a breath and punch in my last full stop.

Image from stock.xchng

Friday fun

Not entirely sure why this reduces me to giggles.




For those of you waiting for thoughts on Tom Wright's lectures, sorry. Instead you get a rather posh speaking kitty trying ineffectually to contact the dead. Which certainly isn't very biblical.

Blast.

Meanwhile, am hoping Blogger is able to retrieve my missing comments...

da da da da da da? da!

Lynn over at help I work with children has reflected on the following clip:

Personally it made me think of the times when we use words without meaning - just using the force of our voices to get across a point, or some dense jargon, not realising that to others it sounds just like da da da da da da da.

That's using it as an analogy, of course - as it is, it's a marvellous example of mimicry.

(I also couldn't help noticing the socks!)

Check out Lynn's reflections here.

happiness is a decision

...part of the catchphrase of the movement called Action for Happiness. I caught this on the news yesterday, reporting on the launch event in London.

Happiness is now a science. People are deciding that it's good to be happy and that - gosh - this is not bound up in material possessions. In the BBC report page it says: 'On joining the organisation, members pledge to produce more happiness and less misery.' According to the promotional video below, doing good things for others makes you feel good about yourself. And guess what! Happiness is contagious. One spokesperson said:

"Rejecting a societal focus on materialism and self-obsessed individualism, the movement instead prioritises healthy relationships with others and meaningful activities as a means to happier living." (from BBC report)

And it's good for our mental health (which I suppose means it's nicely economical, too).


They're saying that happiness is a decision - a skill to be learned. Which puts me in mind of the apostle Paul saying 'I have learned to be content in all circumstances' (my emphasis).  I'm not sure that Action for Happiness would mean it quite in the context he says it, however:

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:11-13

Paul's framework is that of a person - the one who gives him strength, rather than contentment for the sake of it. Neither does he do good to make himself feel good - it's about God's approval, not man's.  

So, is contentment the same as happiness?  And what about joy - especially when it comes to rejoicing in suffering?

People are trying different things to make them feel happy - be it meditating, writing a thank you note, making someone a cup of tea.  BBC Breakfast have even started a 'Happiness Challenge'.

This ties in a little with the government's interest in measuring well-being.

Is this partly in reaction to a time of economic difficulty?  That we need to find something other than the material to define ourselves? I'm certainly not arguing with that, by the way.  I just find it all fascinating, even if I do sound tongue-in-cheek about it.  Although making happiness the saviour of the world is a bit much (join the movement - be the change!).  It hardly addresses the real problems that so many face.  Sticking a 'happy' plaster on a gaping wound of despair?  Hmm.

How do you measure well-being?  Or happiness?  And how exactly do you define happiness?

Sitting in the library on Monday morning in a pool of sunlit silence and exercising my brain I felt a rush of pure...happiness, contentment, whatever you want to call it.  So, I guess that's one of the things that makes me 'happy'.  But others would be bored out of their brains.

So go on, tell me.  What makes you happy?  And just how important is happiness?







Image - Willow Tree figurine 'happiness' - photographer unknown

no, no...

...Noah.

I'll be glad when I get past Noah's story over at Thirsty Ground.  I have certain song lyrics plaguing my head - from Who built the ark? Brother Noah built the ark!  and then the animals went in two by two, hurrah! Hurrah!   Not forgetting that the Lord said to Noah, there's gonna be a floody, floody!

Sigh.

GET THOSE ANIMALS out of the muddy muddy!

Argh.  Have had another thought - what will happen when I get to Joseph?!

March madness

You know, I might just be tempted to say the words.  I might just have the courage to announce it, to shout it from the rooftops.  Winter, you're over!  Don't come back until the end of the year!  

Today the sky was clear and blue but this did not equal crisp and cool. Nothing wrong with crisp and cool if rationed properly, but today the sun felt warm.  Warm!  And the birds were singing in pure defiance!  And in the pond, for the first time since we moved in about 6 years ago, there are thousands of wriggling tadpoles just hatched, which inevitably causes me to revert to a childhood state, hunched over the pond, watching in delight.  The workmen next door probably thought I was odd, but never mind. (Of course, when I was child, the garden was too wide and the fences were too high for neighbours to spy my pond gazing.)

I'm not entirely relaxed, however; I'm still crouched protectively around the sweetness of spring, never sure when the frost may yet return to bite me.  I can't sit back and relax - not quite yet.

But you know what?  Today when I took some kitchen peelings out to the compost bin I smelt something.  No, it wasn't orange peel.  No, it wasn't rotting straw.

I swear I smelt a hint of summer.  Summer!  It was enough to stop me in my tracks, hand hovering in mid air as I reached to open the compost bin, while I almost looked around to see an entirely different season.

Forgive me.  I seem to be infected with March madness...

an interesting day, and some random silliness...

...and a very boring title to this post, but never mind.

We did have a very interesting day today, the second part of a Core Skills for Children's Work course, today looking at pastoral awareness, spirituality and faith development.  Strictly speaking this emphasises children's work, but most of it is also applicable to youth work.  There are a few of us on the course that do specialise in youth as opposed to children in some sort of capacity and the leader has been very inclusive of the different concerns faced.

I wish I had the energy to write more about this today, but I am utterly shattered.  Hopefully I will be able to pause and reflect some more at a later date.  I tried to drag some reflections from my tired mind for today's entry over at Thirsty Ground; I hope it is not too garbled, but it certainly drained me of any remaining inspiration to write today.

In the meantime, I shall leave you with some general silliness, because I can't resist.  As I am on a diary free diet currently I don't have this to worry about, at least:

laugh the blues away

I signed into my blog to write a really profound post (at least, that's what I'm telling you).  Instead I've decided to say - I love a good giggle.  I don't giggle enough, I've decided - not that sheer release of letting go and letting mirth take hold.  Have been ripping up papers today while trying to clear some space (still).  It's a slow and boring task - but perhaps I should tackle it differently.  Perhaps instead  of dragging my way through it and wishing to be elsewhere I should see it like this:

the power of space

I'm an odd mix.  I like neatness and clearness to work.  Yet I'm a haphazard worker - creativity going berserk as I rifle through papers, jot down ideas on the nearest free surface (paper, post-it, napkin if necessary).  My mind is a natural bundle of chaos and it thrives on it.  But I do need space to sit down and pour it out.  Hence, some of my days I spend merely creating space for me to work in.

Sometimes I find this frustrating.  As I work (write) from home I need to be aware of things like housework - maintaining a multi-purpose space, which can be challenging.  I need to learn to prioritise what needs doing and what can wait.  But it can feel I have to wade through an awful lot of things in order to get to an open space - and this is as much mental as physical.

But the space creating in itself is part of creative process (being creative in creating space in which to be creative?!) as my mind reshuffles and sorts, tidies and catalogues.

Not sure how to end this post, as my mind is still shuffling.  I'll leave you with a blank space and say go create.  And making the space for it is a necessary part of it.

What needs clearing, decluttering, cataloguing in order for us to get on with the process of dreaming, inventing, discovering?

let's tidy things up

Need to do housework.  The irritating thing about housework is that it always comes round again.   Have to get myself good humoured about it.  What would be useful is the capacity to sing 'ah-ah-ah-ah' out of my window and have the animals in suburbia come to my aid, just as Giselle summoned the city dwellers...



...I wonder if wood pigeons are clumsier than feral pigeons at putting the plates away?  Not sure Andy would appreciate knowing rats had cleaned the toilet.  Perhaps I'll give the hedgehogs of the area an early wake up call and rely on the ingenuity of any squirrels who happen to be in range.

(And yes, I know - how does she know how to use the vacuum cleaner or what the shower drain is?  Three words: suspension of disbelief.  As if you didn't already need it.)

Of course, we all know what this post is really about.

Procrastination, procrastination, procrastination.

of knots and polka dots

Went for my third remedial massage this morning.  The room is actually housed in the facilities of the local cricket ground, which are often used for conferences.  I got there rather early, so decided to have a coffee from the bar/Costa.  I had to sit down at a vast round table for ten, which was quite amusing.  There were others doing the same with their laptops/netbooks/macbooks.

I got out my pink polka dot mini notebook (I mean an actual paper notebook) and wrote in that instead, which seemed rather a contrast to those around me. (I do have a netbook, but as a rule I don't take it for a massage...) The fact of my pink polka dot-ness amid all the professionalism made me smile.

There was a training day taking place, and when they all came out for their coffee break I quickly drained my cup and nipped to the loo while it was still free (writing this immediately reminds me of that infamous Google search where someone typed 'help I am desperate for the loo' and arrived on this blog, which was rather worrying).

The massage was interesting, as she was trying to break into a very solid knot.  She said as she was doing it 'I really need to break this down.  I think it may be what's pinching the nerves in your neck'.  This immediately drew my attention. 'Hmm,' I replied.  'I have a feeling my headaches may have started after that knot appeared.'

On arriving home, I typed 'knot' into the search part of this blog and found the relevant entry, on 22nd November 2007.  ('A new knot for Christmas,' I say.)  This raised my eyebrows reading this, as I was sure my headaches had begun intermittently around December 2007, before becoming constant in January 2008.  (Long term readers will be aware of my shoulder/neck/head problems.) Sure enough my first mention of 'constant' headache in this blog is in early February 2008.

An unexpected benefit of blogging - keeping a record of things of which, at the time, I had made no distinct connection.  Although sure my headaches were to do with the knottiness, I had not registered the time similarities of that knot in particularly.

Fascinating...

'for further details, see elephant'

I've just got a new notebook which I use for writing - ideas, inspiration, all sorts.  It's a plain A5 one which I put inside the lovely cover which was made for me by a fellow blogger over a year ago.  See the original post and link to her blog here.

I was sitting in a coffee shop on the way back from a rather painful remedial massage on Thursday, transferring some notes into it from a smaller pocket notebook.


If you read it, you may get confused.  There are an awful lot of elephant references.  'See elephant' it says, frequently.  Or 'inside elephant' is another common one.

The slightly more helpful 'notes in elephant' may give you a clue; the pocket notebook in question is a Bang on the Door one which Andy gave me some time ago, with a picture of a fabric elephant on the front.  All very easily explained, but you have to wonder what would happen if someone read the bigger notebook without this frame of reference.

What elephant? And why?!

Which goes to show how important it can be to know the context of something, otherwise the meaning is entirely baffling or easily misunderstood. You have only one half of a conversation, one piece of the puzzle.

You have an elephant, and you've no idea why.

National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo)

In an impulsive act of utter madness, I have signed myself up for this November's National Novel Writing Month. To stop myself taking it too seriously (and therefore freezing up entirely) I have decided to blog the novel as I write it. I want to do it for the sake of it, and do it in a light-hearted way. I am not going to get stressed about people stealing my work simply because it's on the internet (I'm not that sure they'd want to!!)

The whole purpose of NaNoWriMo is that you simply write - no editing, just writing. Inevitably, some parts will indeed be rubbish, as they will be raw and uncrafted. For those of you who desire to follow along - please remember this! I am aiming simply to take one day at a time and see how I go - 'winners' of NaNoWriMo write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. How many thousands of words you'll see from me, I don't yet know.

Oddly instead of panicking me I feel rather refreshed by it. In a sense, I'm taking a month off from normality and focussing on something different. I am splurging out words - words which may well be cheesy, ill-formed and full of historical errors - but it will be interesting to see what those words do.

If you want to follow along or subscribe, you can find it here: http://almostalady-novel.blogspot.com
You never know, if I get into the project, you may be barraged with entries (if you decide to follow the other blog) throughout November. You have been warned.

I feel an odd sensation of freedom. I am so often protective of my words, unhappy to reveal them unless they have gone through a fine tuning process, reluctant to be silly or write something that is less than the gloriously literary novel of my ambition.

Well, I'm chucking that ambition out of the window for November.

Be prepared for the chaff and the grain all mixed up...and tread lightly. I will need encouragers!

National Novel Writing Month

bloggy business

Argh! Just wrote entire post then it disappeared, and auto-saved before I could get out! I shall try again, but may not be as cheerful as the first time (if I get through it at all).

I managed to win a free blog button designed by Mommy Designs Blogs courtesy of Angela over at Becoming Me, which was a surprise - so that will appear at some point! Thanks, guys.

Not sure whether anyone is so devoted to my blog that they would put my button in their sidebar! Well, perhaps one prospective blogger...you heard it here first, folks (unless you're one of the buns over at this blog, where I may have mentioned it in a comment!) - Charlie is in the process of setting up his own blog.

He's very fussy, as you may imagine, but hopefully it won't be too long before he enters the public blogosphere. I've told him firmly not to expect daily posts, since I get the impression I will have to do most of the work. After all, his typing skills are appalling, and just between you and me, his spelling is atrocious, too.

Went to our Chronic Fatigue Group meetup yesterday - not sure what to call us now that we're meeting up under our own steam...not that we have much steam between us! Good to see each other and have some laughs (especially when we forget where we are in conversation and lots of umming and er-ing ensues).

Am intending to write a Good Friday post tomorrow, all being well. Am going to Maundy Thursday communion tonight; not sure if I'll manage tomorrow's services but plan to be there am and pm on Easter Day. Lots of chilling on Bank Holiday Monday! Andy has taken some time off next week to have a bit of a rest, so hopefully it will be a nice relaxing time for us.

Now, for the second time, I am intending to go and tidy the bedroom. Beyond my side of the bed is what I call my Zone of Chaos (cue dramatic music) - need to get it under control for a little while. Before Chaos rules again...

Today: 3/10, medium high

BREAKING NEWS!

The goldfinches are nesting in next door's magnolia tree, which overhangs our garden. Cue breathless excitement and nauseating terror - in case next door go on a pruning spree. Please don't!!