the makings of friendship

What makes a friendship?  What starts a friendship?

There are all manner of people, so it seems inevitable that there are all manner of friends.  And what you think 'makes' a friendship may differ from my definitions.  In fact, our very definitions of friendship may differ.  One person's friend may be another's friendly acquaintance.

'Laughter is the beginning of friendship; sorrow is its seal' - words I scrawled rather loftily over a decade ago.  Sounds a bit weird.  What I meant was, sharing laughter is the beginning of friendship, sharing sorrow is the the sealing of friendship.  I had a specific friend in mind I think, where the early days were full of giggles and shared jokes, a delight at similar senses of humour.  But then came the day when we begun sharing our tears and our hurts - and thus entered a whole new level of friendship.

I've also known encounters where you start with laughing together and end with crying together all in one conversation - one of those 'fast forward' friendships I mentioned in my last post, somewhat rare and dependent on an automatic trust and honesty which allows for such deep emotional connections...

But not everyone will thrive on these deep friendships, preferring not to bare all and share all!  And I have those I call friends who would not see this side of me.

Is it fair to say there are levels of friendship?  I don't want to make it sound like some are superior and some are inferior -echoing back to playground politics at school - where you were consigned to 'best friend', 'second best friend' and lived awkwardly under that label. 'Power play' can be at work here, and it can create deep insecurities. But there will be friends I share more deeply with because I have seen in them an understanding that allows for it.  There are friends I share more deeply with because we have walked together through difficult times - and shared lunatic moments!  There are friends I share more deeply with because they have made the effort to stay in touch when others did not bother.

I suspect we all form friendships in different ways - different from each other because we are individuals with our own ways of expressing, our own needs.  Different even within ourselves because we identify those in our lives who would particularly appreciate certain things about us.

We can form friends through familiarity - seeing each other regularly. We can form friends because we have gone through similar experiences and helped each other through them. We can form friends because we see in someone else a likeness to ourselves. We can form friends because we see a difference from ourselves, one that is complementary. We can form friends because we have hope and faith in common, or because we have been through a stage of life where we were both developing and learning new things.

There is no single template.


Update: on reading this post, a friend (who comes under the 'fast forward' category!) mentioned this moment in the Big Bang Theory, which I link to here for your viewing pleasure (embedding is disabled): http://youtu.be/k0xgjUhEG3U



Next up: maintaining friendships, perhaps? 

thoughts on friendship

RECENTLY IN THE BACKGROUND of my mind I've been thinking about friendships - specific friendships of my own, as well as friendship in general - the formation of friendship, the endurance (or not) of friendship, the levels of intimacy within friendships, the challenges of friendships both old and new.

I could try and splurge my thoughts in one rambling post, but I will try, time permitting, to reflect upon my theme in instalments.  Friendship as a concept these days now acquires new challenges as not only do our friendship bases widen due to travel and movement, they can also be formed and maintained by social networking.

Social networking has a different impact on friendship depending on your generation. What I mean is, for those of us who grew up prior to social networking sites, we have the somewhat odd experience of 'getting back in touch' with older friends, not merely as individuals but as collective. For example, I can look at my school friends and see that one group of which I was a part have largely stuck together - which unsettles me slightly when I realise that I am not one of them any more. I moved on and away and did not move back; my closest friendships were formed, generally speaking, later. There were reasons for this, health probably being a factor, as well as opportunities and common hopes, dreams, opinions.

When I moved into adulthood and encountered the scaldingly intimate friendships I made later, it seemed strange to try and find this in earlier friendships made of other stuff - different in tone, different in need. Yet I can see that those who have grown up in these friendships have also reached these levels of intimacy - which I formed with others in other places.  (The challenge of course that I did not remain in these places and thus have experienced the fierce loss of no longer being a few paces away from those who changed me so utterly.)

And although there are several adages about the age of friendships being directly related to their quality, this is not always the case. There are moments when a jolt of recognition occurs between two people who have only just met, whereby the intimacy and frankness that can take years are fast forwarded. These moments are not necessarily common, but precisely because of their rarity they feel deliciously surprising when they occur - as if they are a gift of sorts.

Friendship comes in many guises.



Image: stock.xchng

and the rain, rain, rain...

IT'S WET.  Very wet.  The pond, which has a slow leak, has been effortlessly topped up.  Went out to lunch with a friend - as we walked (scampered?) back to her car the already incessant rain seemed to quadruple in strength.  Got soggy earlier trying to batten down the rabbit hutch (so Charlie didn't get soggy).

I haven't done any work today but decided to stop feeling guilty about it and allow myself to recharge and refresh my mind.  I think I've been experiencing overload on a few fronts, battling the tiredness, trying to be productive and failing - at least at what I thought was productive.  The house is terribly gloomy in this weather but a little lamplight made a cosy afternoon, plus another very lovely friend ran across the road with gorgeous lemon drizzle cake. Aren't friends wonderful?  I feel constantly blessed by them.

Anyway, as I've deliberately turned down my mind today I have no great philosophical statements to make.

But it is wet.  Most definitely.

reunited friends

THERE WAS NO no rush of surprise or delight at seeing you;

rather normality stole in quietly and surrounded us.
The months without you simply slipped away -
surely you have always been here?
But as the day wore on I realised
the depth of my missing you -
the way your eyes never judge or condemn,
only listen - reacting to my words
with genuine celebration or grief -
and I breathed you in like
long forgotten air.

memory lane: carpet snorting

It was a Monday night at the college where I studied theology. I took a break from the work I was doing in my room because my friend Sarah had ask me to go to the Laundry. She needed me to take her clothes out of the washing machine and put them in the dryer, while she was studying in the Library.


So, I walked to the Laundry and went to the machines. But Sarah's washing wasn't there. I couldn't find it anywhere. I appreciate that this isn't particularly funny. But I must have been overworking my brain, because I started to get the giggles. Off I went towards the Library, snickering. It only got worse as I went along. On reaching the Library, the word SILENCE hung above the doors. Oh dear goodness. Deep breath in. Control, Lucy control. I entered the Library. I wasn't actively giggling but alas, I still had the giggles. They were rippling up from inside - I had simply clamped my mouth shut.


Seeing Sarah made it worse. Quite what my expression was I can't say. But staggering up to her table - I opened my mouth to speak. How can I explain in writing the noise that came out of me? Try breathing in and saying ahhhhh really loudly at the same time. Imagine it ten times louder.

ERRRRRRRRPPPPPPPP! I cried.

I had done it. I had barked like a giant seal in the library. Everyone looked at me in amazement. Monday evening was a busy time in the library. Every table was full. Feeling dreadful, but unable to control the state of my voice, "SORRY!!!" I shrieked, and turned tail and ran.
Sarah was hot on my heels, gasping with laughter.
We collapsed in the outside corridor, much to the alarm of other passing students. It took a very long time for me to get the words out.
Eventually, Sarah's washing was found.


A week later. A Monday night. Sarah was in the library, I had agreed to go to the Laundry. She had asked me to transfer her clothes from the washing machine to the dryer. Memories of the previous week were already causing flickers of amusement inside me as I entered the Laundry. I opened the machine - her clothes were there! I reached in and - they were dry. She had forgotten to turn the machine on. Already too far gone with laughter for any good to come out of this, I switched the machine on and hurtled towards the Library. I appreciate that I didn't have to do this. I could have taken the safe method and gone back to my room to calm down. I should have known. But, this was me. And this was Sarah. Sarah and I are the kind of friends who automatically gravitate towards each other when any kind of hilarity occurs. I could not overcome it.


Must...find...Sarah...must...share....


So off I went, back into the main building, sniggering through reception and lurching unsteadily into the Lecturer's Corridor (where they had their offices). There was actually a Lecturer in the corridor at the time, who gave me a look of such puzzled amusement that my mild hysteria increased still further.


SILENCE! Pronounced the board above the Library. Impossible.


I swung through the doors, making strange, gasping hiccupy sounds. Mercifully Sarah saw me coming this time, launched out of her seat (already infected with hysteria herself). She herded me out of the library and we both collapsed in the corridor outside, immobile with laughter.

This is a feature of our friendship. I remember a time when we were on one of the staircases; I clutched at the rails, sobbing with laughter, unable to stand. Sarah was even worse than me, collapsed against the wall making mewing noises. What was the joke? You've got me. Frankly, there didn't even have to be one.


Another occasion we were in Sarah's room and some amusement brought us to the state of lying on the floor, snuffling with laughter. 'I just snorted carpet up my nose!' giggled Sarah. And henceforth we refer to the 'sort of friend you can snort carpet with', which sounds a little dubious (!) but simply means a friend with whom you laugh so hard you are rendered helpless on the floor.


It is a friendship that was meant to be. Early in our acquaintance I was sitting in my room and heard this strange snickering noise outside. My room in the first year was opposite the kitchen. On further exploration, I discovered Sarah helpless with laughter in the kitchen sink, with the window blind on her head. It had fallen down, and she was trying to sort it out. Naturally, I was soon up on the draining board with her.


It isn't only laughter that binds us, of course. We have cried a good many tears with each other since those early days, and wailed over embarrassments and days which have all gone wrong...I still remember Sarah launching through my door and crashing onto my bed and burrowing into it; likewise the time I stumbled, agonised, into her room and buried my head in the first thing I came to - her towel (!)


I will finish up with one last story (there are many!!) Sarah and I had this uncanny knack of ending up in the toilets at the same time. Many times I would go into a cubicle and suddenly become aware of this sniffling noise (try giggling without using your vocal chords and with your mouth closed - you've got it). We would both make this sound when we suspected the identity of the other person, and on hearing the sound the other would roar with delighted laughter.


That's not the story, that's the scene setting (!) It so happened Sarah and I were in Borders one day and went to find the toilets. One was out of order, so i went in first while she stood outside by the sink. I had to change my top, for some reason. I cannot for the life of me remember why, but still. Making a joke about the fact we were in the toilets together, I started mock laughing very loudly.
'HA HA HA!' I roared. 'HO HO HO!' Then, 'I'M TAKING MY TOP OFF NOW! HA HA HA!'
Sarah was laughing outside but something was wrong. She was laughing quietly. I paused. 'Sarah?' I queried.
'Yes?' she replied.
'Are you alone?'
'No...'
'Ah,' I said, calmly. 'OK.'
The awful thing was that because the other loo was out of order, I had to come out of the cubicle (Sarah dashed in, purple with amusement), and then had to calmly wash my hands while the other woman stared straight ahead of her with a closed expression...but every now and then there was a faintest twitch on her lips....



Sarah, this entry is for you :)

blue skies and beads...

Today the sun is shining and the sky is blue - blue with translucent wisps of white cloud hovering overhead. It is lovely to revel in it after such a wet and dreary summer - the wettest, apparently, on record for us. September sunshine is warm and gentle - but with out the force of August and July - meaning that in the shade it can feel very cool.

Having Mum and Dad to stay meant I was doing things with them (which was lovely), but am now catching up with various chores (which is not so lovely). I cleaned the fish tank earlier this morning and then tackled the rabbit hutch (interspersed with trips to and from the washing machine). I was doing a proper clean out for Charlie's hutch, rather than just one segment. Rather tiring, if you remember the size of it from the pictures...

Yesterday afternoon Bev and I went out to a bead bar, which I knew was there but knew very little about - and had a lovely time, rows and rows of beads, beads, and more beads, and we sat at one of the tables and made a bracelet each. They very kindly gave us a tea and coffee, and the tools we needed. We both had a very nice time.

Today: 4/10, medium high

cakes, cameras, cards, and a bit about books & the weather...

Friday's little gathering seemed to go well. There were 11 of us in all - sadly Sarah was not well enough to come. It was lovely to see Rachel, however. Her archaeological dig was rained off on the Friday afternoon so she curled up on our sofa and read her book - with me joining her in between preparations! M surprised me by bringing a beautiful birthday cake she had made, as you can see, with the help of her 3 year old daughter. Rachel bought me an absolutely gorgeous orchid for my birthday present, which I am now trying to work out how to care for properly in our (somewhat cool) house - I have put it in the spare bedroom as that is likely to be the warmest. I don't know much about caring for orchids - any tips?

I've asked for money for my birthday, towards a digital SLR. Have been trying to do some research but it is difficult to know where to start. I want to get something good, versatile and something I can be happy with for a long time to come. Again, any tips? I'd love something I could use with the old lenses from my film SLR but I'm not sure which cameras take what and scrambling around on Google takes ages...

Andy keeps squirrelling away my birthday cards as soon as they drop through the letter box! I'm afraid I adore receiving birthday cards. I am terribly, terribly sad, because I even count them (sigh). That is my confession for today (!) Seriously, though, the wonderful thing about birthday cards is that they tell a story, of where you are, what new friends you have made, who you've lost - and maybe regained - touch with.

My back aches, which is aggravating. Pfft! I have just finished reading Bram Stoker's Dracula which completely absorbed me the last couple of days - not the subject matter per se, although of course suspense is what is aimed for, but the style of writing. It got to the stage where I was annoyed that I had to stop reading because my eyes were hurting. I did the same thing with the Lord of the Rings once, reading the trilogy in three days flat - yeech!! I was a student on holiday; I had time for such things! Was weird 'waking up' to normality after I'd finished that, if I remember rightly.

Anyway.

A welcome respite from the rain today. The news from Northumberland and other areas, particularly poor Tewkesbury, which was completely flooded only 14 months ago and is suffering the same again, is appalling. I can't imagine losing every thing, attempting to recover, only for the same thing to happen all over again. They are saying that more rain comes in tomorrow...all over the world, the weather rampages...

Today: 4.5/10, medium

just a brief note...

...Wednesday's appointment went very well. After perpetual hissing beforehand about not wanting to go or knowing what to say, it was a real relief. The GP with specialist interest who works with the service is kind, cheerful, and very practical - and very easy to talk to. What they have proposed is that I go into the programme of group sessions - what I should have had last year, but because I was away for the first one I did two individual intensive sessions instead. They feel I need more support from others on the same programme, and that I would particularly gain from the later sessions - on steps to recovery and setting goals, so I don't feel trapped or isolated in doing this any more.

I'd talk more, but rest stop 1 approaches, and tonight I am having a few friends round, not too many, for a mellow evening as a kind of birthday thing. Today is not my birthday, but I wanted to combine it with Rachel's visit. Sarah should be coming but texted to warn me that she woke up feeling awful this morning, so she will let me know later. So I'm gently preparing for this evening - wanting to make things cosy looking and nice, since the weather is awful - rainy and dreary.

Wednesday: 4-5/10, medium high
Thursday: 4/10, medium
Today so far: 5/10, medium

munch, munch, munch

I have just been to a BBQ at some friends from our housegroup. They have donkeys in the field behind their back garden and Frans was feeding them apples through the wire...getting a good view of their teeth and gums (and getting covered in donkey dribble!!) They were rather beautiful in their expressions - and looked like they were wearing eye liner! I don't have very good pics, but here's one:

And here's a picture of our friends' cat, simply because he's such a fine looking fellow!

Today: 4/10, medium high

telephones in the toilet

Sarah rang this evening. I'd sent her a text to make her laugh, and should have known better than to absent-mindedly tuck my phone in my pocket and head for the bathroom. Was sitting on the loo (I know, my blog is never going to be an intelligent, reflective, theological type - although I do try occasionally). Er. Oh yes - I was sitting on the loo when my phone rang so I was yelping and trying to pull up my jeans and pull my phone out of my pocket at the same time - which frankly didn't work very well. I knew it would be Sarah so this didn't cause me us much stress as it might have done, because I cheerfully told her all about it. Quite a bit has changed in her life recently - moving house, a different job - which I hadn't known about. 'Oh poor Luce,' she apologised, 'I just assume you automatically know what's happening!!'
I laughed. 'We're not that telepathically connected,' I replied affectionately.
Anyway was nice to chat, although we arranged we'd speak another time via landlines as we were both having problems with signal and the conversation was very hiccupy. Am glad she's well - and we should be seeing each other soon. We like to store up funny moments to tell each other so we can roar with laughter and chase all life's cobwebs far far away.

Today: 4-5/10, medium - low

bracelet making

Yesterday Karen came over in the morning to do some bracelet making (hence my desire to find beads on Wednesday!) Andy gave me some jewellery making stuff and beads at Christmas which I love but really I've only made earrings and have not been very confident. But yesterday I made my first bracelet:

And modelled on my very own wrist:

Nothing spectacular but it was my first bracelet and I'm pleased with it! Made with memory wire.

It was a really enjoyable morning actually. I wasn't aware of feeling tired at all and we just nattered away while threading our beads. I think doing crafts is a great way of socialising and of getting to know people better. It's very unpressurised as you are focusing on making something - and the conversation ebbs and flows naturally.

when the clouds pass overhead

Am attempting recovery from a grumpy moment. Who, me? I had to write to someone turning down yet another invitation as I cannot do the travelling and I have to admit it brought me quite low. It increases any feelings of loneliness when you're reminded of what you're missing. All these things I would so love to do - and more accurately, the people I would so love to see.

However, I had an email waiting for me from my dear friend Susan Belinda waiting for me when I miserably turned on the computer, which lifted my spirits. We are miles and miles and miles apart but still we keep in touch. (Everyone wave to Belinda!)

Andy at a lecture this evening with a couple of people from church. Something I too would enjoy going to - not that I was feeling it particularly acutely or anything, but the combination... Anyway, I do not feel as bad as I did earlier.

There are various trains of thought burbling in the background of my mind. No doubt I'll express them all eventually.

when the clouds pass overhead
I momentarily lose sight
when the heat of the sun is shrouded
I momentarily lose strength
when I stand alone, with others beyond my reach
I momentarily feel lost

and I turn to You,
reminding myself to be glad
that there is always You

...but sometimes it is hard...


Energy levels :5/10
Headache: medium

a little on the woolly side

Rather gloomy the first part of today. Me and the weather. Did some crafty bits in the morning to try and dispel the feeling with creativity, but around the middle of the day I just sagged. Felt so physically exhausted my legs were all weak and achy, like when you're getting over the flu. Allowed myself a few tears of exasperation. Frustrating, as I was not so bad yesterday. Woke up feeling alert, and went to church after my rest. This time I got there before the prayers and got to sing some songs, which I did heartily. Gareth led and Andy did a narrative sermon (the diary of Herschel Judahberg!) on the Israelite's journey from the Red Sea to Sinai, which was very good.

Spoke to Emma briefly at the end of the service, which was nice. The new housegroup for our age group is tomorrow night at her place. I really hope I'm not feeling this bad tomorrow, as Andy's parents are also coming to see us on Wednesday. I feel a special link to Emma, since she first walked into church after the service one Sunday morning after going to the vet's with her kitten. One of the stewards directed her to me, and she's been coming ever since. Who says people don't 'just walk into church'?! And now she's hosting this new group.

Feeling a little better within myself this evening, although physically still weak and woolly. Laura called tonight. We discussed the need for the company of friends. Oh, yes indeed.

Energy levels: 3/10
Headache: high-medium

Yesterday: 5-6/10, medium high

butterflies and dandelions

Was just hanging out some washing, occasionally waving away a hoverfly or two (did you know hoverflies are very territorial about their flying space?) when a peacock butterfly fluttered in front of me. My first sighting this year.

The weekend seeing Mum and Dad was nice. We generally just pottered about and drank cups of tea - all within my regime of course. I think the next time I'll see them will be at Dad's 70th birthday meal in June, where it will be nice to see the family. Trying to ensure we're all free is complicated. Hopefully it'll work out for everyone - Louise is having trouble getting the weekend off.

I've had to contact Rachel and Sarah to say I won't make it to Rachel's 30th in May, which I feel bad about. I don't think I can manage the travelling. I was pulling up dandelions yesterday in the garden and after only 10 minutes I started to shake and had to sit down before I could even go back in doors. How ridiculous. Sometimes, when deliberately keeping to my prescribed level of activity, I forget what it feels like when the fatigue is full-on. I didn't think weeding was above that level, but obviously yesterday it was. I went to the whole church service on Sunday because someone was preaching 'with a squint' but I think it was too much for me. Growl, growl. So travelling to London for a party is likely to be beyond me right now. I don't mind so much but I do love seeing Rachel and Sarah. I wish we all lived in the same street!

Still, the sun is shining, and the butterflies are coming.

Energy levels: 5/10
Headache: medium / low

Saturday: 5-4/10, medium
Sunday: 4/10, medium
Yesterday: 3/10, medium

visiting friends, and rabbit tunnels

Had a nice time visiting Emma & Ed today. Ewan is a very cheerful little chap and insisted Andy played with him most of the time. Evie is a sweet and peaceful little baby at that gazing-around-wiggle-my-legs-a-little stage. We had lunch there and chatted in general. We married a week apart and Andy and Ed both went into ministry at the same time so we have quite a bit in common. It's nice to see good friends. Had Rest Stops 1 & 3 in the car while we were driving (it took about two hours each way) and curled up on the spare sofa at Emma & Ed's for Rest Stop 2. Am rather weary with the travelling but it was still a nice time.

Stopped at a pet store on the way home to stock up and bought Charlie this tunnel thing while we were there. You can get extra ones and attach them with velcro. It's only about a metre long. He had a good look when we showed it to him, tested to see if it was edible, but only went inside when I coaxed him with some food. He may take a while to get used to it. I tried sitting at one end and calling him but he just hopped round the outside to see what I was doing. 'You're supposed to be a natural at this,' I told him. 'In the wild you live in a warren.' He just sniffed my chin.

Energy Rating: 5/10 and decreasing
Headache: Medium

home

We are back from spending the weekend at Andy's parents. We had a lunch on Saturday to celebrate their Golden Wedding, in a very nice Cotswold hotel. Woke on Sunday to snow! Melted quickly. Don't know how impressed Charlie was - we took him with us in the smaller hutch we used to use for the guinea pigs. He had his hutch hugger and was in a very sheltered spot. He was perfectly happy when we checked on him in the morning, despite the layer of white. Then the sun came out and I had to pull the cover back so he didn't get roasted. The weather is quite bizarre. No snow here, though we were greeted with some whirling flakes when we returned yesterday early evening. Had a brief encounter with our new neighbours over the fence. The conversation went: 'A bit nippy, isn't it?!' 'Just a bit, yes!' What would we do without the weather to talk about?!

Going to see Ed and Emma (and Ewan and Evie!) on Wednesday, which will be nice. Trying to organise a get together with Helen and Kaye later this month but it's not working out very well. I suspect it would be better to try for something later in the year. Trying to organise things with three people is always more difficult than two! In some ways it may be better as I'm not sure about the travelling with this 'regime' of mine.

The rests are going...reasonably well. In the sense that I am doggedly doing them. The trouble is I am supposed to be as near a 'meditative' state as possible - i.e. not to be thinking as well as not doing. I don't really succeed at this very often! I try to concentrate on my breathing. Listening to meditation CDs works some times but then I start getting irritated with them if I do them very frequently.

I spoke to my new Occupational Therapist last week; she seems nice. She suggested I should keep a daily record of how I'm doing - so I get a sense of any progress. Slow progress is the hardest to see without something to look back on. Perhaps I should give myself a daily rating? Out of ten. The doctor wants me to keep a headache diary too. Perhaps I should note it at the end of every entry here. As long as passers by don't think I'm some kind of hypochondriac! If I forget, you'll have to remind me. I can't work out the best way to rate it. If I do it out of ten it's hard to know which way round... I will go with 1 as worst and 10 as best, I think, rather than higher or lower. The headache I will describe rather than rate. Gosh, I do waffle, don't I?!

Here is today's:

Energy rating: 4/10
Headache: medium

as for today

As for today (phew, my third and last post), I got Charlie inside since there is going to be a cold snap, and ended up having to give him a bath because he was a little messy down below. Hold your nose, I have a bunny that suffers from - sigh -"sticky bottom syndrome" - what a name! But alas very descriptive. He is on a strict diet but occasionally for no apparent reason things flare up again. This time I put him in the bath because he was quite...messy...and after I'd soaked him and - oh you don't need to know the details - I decided he needed a further rinse and turned the shower on him. Since we have a troublesome shower which is often too hot, I had to put in on cold. Poor thing. He scrambled towards me for help only to realise I was the one doing the deed. I think if you had a jet of cold water aimed at your rear end, you'd be indignant too. Nevertheless, he didn't seem particularly anxious and certainly not afraid. It was more like: 'what on earth are you doing now? I mean - really!' Later in the afternoon I took some cute pics which I'll include at some point.

Spoke to Helen and to Emma this evening. Sarah rang my mobile whilst Emma was on the landline. Tried to ring her back but then she was engaged. It all happens at once! Still, always nice to be bombarded with friends!

My word. I'm tired. Sleepy bye byes for me.

G'night.

tiny twins and other things

Went with Bev today to see a lady from church who has two tiny twins! They came somewhat earlier than expected (by C-Section) so they are so small - the little boy is very small but the little girl is teeny weeny! I just kept looking at her hands - the smallest hands I've ever seen. The skin was all wrinkly as if there wasn't enough of her to fill it out. Bev held the little girl and then I had the task of calming the wailing little boy but it wasn't really a task...once I'd picked him up and found him light and easy to hold I tried various rockings and pattings and jigglings. He kept falling asleep and then waking up again, staring at me with his wide tiny eyes. Eventually he fell asleep completely and we were quite happy until my shoulder started complaining and I gave him to Bev where he similarly gurgled, cried and slumbered and gurgled and cried and slumbered. In the past I've not been very confident with babies, simply from lack of experience, but today I was quite comfortable even with him squalling on my lap. Babies cry, and that's OK. He can cry if he wants to, but if my patting him on the back and jiggling him gently makes him stop and gape at me, so much the better. So, a pleasant afternoon. We were there over an hour but it went very quickly. I hadn't got my act together and made a card which was remiss of me, although there were cards crammed in every nook and cranny of the room.

29th February today, which always deserves a passing nod. We all go on about having an extra day, although of course that is nonsense, it is the measurement of time, not time itself. Andy asked me if I'd proposed to anyone today which earned him a blank stare until he gently reminded me of the date. This all means that it is March tomorrow, and I need to sow more seeds, and possibly soon prick out the ones I've done. I never really keep on top of it and end up in plant pot chaos around April and May.

Rainy today, off and on. So will March come in like a lion or a lamb? I'm somewhat hoping the latter as I need to clean out Charlie and it's a bother doing it in the wind and rain.

symmetry

Swinging between approaching this new 'programme' with my characteristic 'make the best of it' cheeriness and having an all out grump fest about having no life. Which is an exaggeration, but what isn't an exaggeration when having an all out grump fest?


Had my massage for my supremely crunchy shoulders this morning. Talked a little at beginning, as usual. I explained a bit about my programme. My occupational therapist, I explained was wanting me to have more routine so that I can stabilise. 'So,' I jested,' She currently thinks me completely unstabilised!' Rachel replied in an understanding voice 'and you probably didn't realise you were.' Spent the next couple of minutes wondering whether I should point out that this was a joke of sorts. And hoping she knew that I meant stabilising my activities, not that am mentally unhinged. Surely she did. Surely. If I were mentally unhinged, she would know about it, I suppose......


'You have a new knot!' She informed me cheerfully.
'Lovely,' I replied. Great. Just what I've always wanted. A new knot for Christmas.


Afterwards stole a quick glance in the nearest available mirror before entering the world, to check how to arrange my hair. There are folded towels around the face hole in the massage table, and whether I have a certain kind of skin I don't know, but I always end up with an imprint. It can be a nice red streak across my forehead. Or an unflattering rectangular shape around my chin and mouth. Worst is one extremely red splotch on one cheek. Today, I had a minor red splotch on both cheeks. Well, I considered, at least I'm symmetrical. All in all, this is the preferable variety, and I simply let my hair bounce around my face while they faded.


Having coffee with Bev this afternoon, which is always very pleasant. We love all the same sorts of things. Except she drinks coffee, and I have Earl Grey tea. How Jean-Luc Picard of me. So when I say I'm going for coffee, I invariably mean that the other person is having coffee. Occasionally I have a decaff.