Monday, 27 July 2009
in the garden by night...
I slide out of the back door and ease my way along the garden path and halt. It's dusk, and the light is fading rapidly. I know what I'm hoping for, I've seen it three days ago. I'm desperate to know if it's still there. So I stand, and I wait. It feels eerie, standing there in the dark, listening to every dark rustle - every flutter of a moth. And I wait. An occasional almost-sound - but it could be a mouse. Or a nighttime insect batting against the leaves. I stay, waiting. Hoping.
As my eyes begin to struggle, my hearing becomes sharper. I hear every flutter, every swish, every breath. Charlie in his hutch behind me - the only noise I can actually identify. Then - a shake. I mean, an actual shake. Like an animal when it shakes. And I could swear, it's up behind the pond, the place which holds the most interest for me. But was I imagining the direction? Were my senses off, and it was the rabbit behind me? Charlie can shake. But...that is the opposite direction.
I wait. And there, by the steps, emerging from behind the pond grasses, comes the hedgehog. I am clenched with delight. The first sighting, which I intended to write here and still haven't managed it - is thoroughly confirmed. Three days ago I was peeling potatoes and glanced out the window and - I'm going mad, is that a hedgehog? At 3.30pm?! Later I go and look at the hedgehog house, worrying it may not be in a fit state to receive guests, so I open the lid slightly. And close it, quietly and hurriedly, on glimpsing a little ball of spines.
This evening I was feeling a little glum and thinking I may not see it again, or that I'd disturbed it - and then worrying it had been ill since I saw it during the day. But then...at 9pm...I went outside. And I waited. The beautiful little creature found its way to the food I'd been laying out (and has been disappearing, I might add, every night) and proceeded to spend at least 20 minutes munching happily. I just stand there and watch, the joy of the moment keeping me on my feet - I stood in a way that was the least tiring and before I realised it, I'd been standing there for 50 minutes.
Intriguingly, as I watched, squinting in the darkness, another odd sound was emanating from the bed beside the path. It was a scraping, crunching sort of sound. Definitely not a moth. I never saw this second creature, but it seemed evident that there was one, down in the dark. (Last week I was pondering that the garden was a little overgrown lately - now I'm thrilled with the fact.) There was even a third noise, from another part of the garden, which intrigued me. There were noises around the pond, and one of the grasses suddenly jerked. One day I will sit out in a deck chair and listen.
The hedgehog finished up (must put out larger helping!) and moved into the flower bed - but before it did, it wandered a little in my direction and then - shook itself vigorously. It was the very same sound, and I couldn't help grinning the third time I heard it, from under the bushes.
As darkness was setting in good and proper, I bid a retreat when I saw the hedgehog go back towards the hedgehog house behind the pond area (so overgrown itself that it would be difficult for anything to drown in it, thank goodness). I heard more rustling and wondered if it was trotting down the pebbly bit to have a drink - quite possibly. Too dark for any photography, but nothing could beat the real thing, anyway.
When I first saw the hedgehog (assuming it is the same one), I had been feeling stressed and just back from the doctor. Was praying for help but seemed to get no clarification, so went to sort potatoes. And looked out of the window. And I could hardly believe my eyes. Our garden is fenced in, and has lots of drops and steps. I'd always thought a hedgehog would never get in. There was a moment of indecision about even using the hedgehog house in this garden when my brother and sister-in-law gave it to us a couple of years ago. I am so glad we did.
You know what the cure for stressed out fed-up-ness is? A moment of pure delight. A tiny part of me - which made the rest of me blush - thought: I was miserable, so God sent a hedgehog. Which will sound very silly, but there are stranger things that happen in this world.
Whenever and however this hedgehog encounter started, I am very grateful for it, and long may we have our hedgehog friend!
Sunday, 12 July 2009
natural therapy

We celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary last week. Had a meal out and went out to an RSPB nature reserve on Andy's day off, which was very nice. So many butterflies! Am rather fond of butterflies.
Had splintering-oh-good-grief-horrible headache last night. Did not go to church this morning but planning on going this evening for the communion service. Had an hour this afternoon sitting in the sunshine in the garden (with hat and sunblock!) which was lovely and relaxing...speaking of butterflies, there was a Painted Lady lounging on the buddhleia next to me, absolutely beautiful. Have not seen one since the throng that came through a few weeks back (see here). Also noted the honey bees accompanying it - glad of that due to the plight of the honey bee. Bumbles everywhere, as always in our buzz-friendly garden!!
The goldfinches occasionally on feeder while I was out there - the female is very unsure and flies off the minute she sees me, but he is beginning to tolerate me. Impressed I was close enough to tell them apart! (There is another 'set' of goldfinches in the neighbourhood - had the two fledglings sitting cheeping on the washing line last weekend - very cute!) Mr Blackbird has reappeared - seemed to disappear while we were on holiday, but discovered him sheltering in the forsythia from the rain yesterday. Threw him some raisins. On discovering 'normal service' has resumed, he's been dropping in all day today with his plaintive look. Even more plaintive as he is mid-moult and rather raggedy!
Still struggling with neck and head problems, but nature was very therapeutic for me this afternoon. Charlie in uber-relaxed state, happy to receive some attention.
Craft group tomorrow morning...have made a poster for them in style of scrapbook page, hope they like it...
Monday, 22 June 2009
back to the list....
Nothing inspirational today, am working through post-holiday washing, sorting out various bits plus doing a bit of quick tidying/deadheading in the garden. Have had a bit of an invasion by Harlequin Ladybirds in the front garden - they have massacred the aphid population which is extremely useful (since we could previously not see buds for aphids), but they are an invasive Asian species which is potentially causing problems for our beautiful native ladybirds. So I have mixed feelings about their presence.
I have excessive amounts of photographs to upload but that will have to wait until I have a chunk of time to set aside for it!
Woke up feeling the coming-back-blues, but keeping busy and trying to ignore them. Have a physio appointment and a dentist's appointment this week. It was very refreshing while on holiday not to be continuously trying to remember what i should be doing every day. I have lists which have 'see other list' as a list item, to illustrate the point. It's not so much about the amount needing doing - it's my silly memory which makes life so regimented list-wise!!
Anyway, I will try and stop by some other blogs gradually over the next few days.
For now - I have to go check my list...
Thursday, 4 June 2009
I've got my eye on you
A brief shot of one of the fledgling blue tits which come to the fat cake feeder regularly. One of them, more yellow in the face than this one, will happily come down on it when I'm sitting a metre away. This one is taken from the kitchen window:

I've got my eye on you!
Friday, 29 May 2009
the fact of the matter

I'm a work in progress
every so often I remember
those who are far worse off than I am
and keep things all
in their proper perspective
every so often
sometimes I ignore
the impulse to strike out
in my defence, remaining
wisely silent and calm
sometimes
from time to time, I let go
of the need for the approval
of others, and focus instead
on the One who truly matters
from time to time
once in a while, I have
an utterly generous moment,
and all I can think of
is giving to another
once in a while
occasionally, I take time
to stop, reflect, and be thankful
for all that I've been given,
rather than all I think I lack
occasionally
every now and then, I can almost
touch the beautiful proximity
of my creator, sensing
his extravagant love
every now and then
the fact of the matter is
I'm a work in progress

The last few days, the air outside the front door has been full of butterflies, mainly Painted Ladies, coming through on the wave of warmer weather. Summer, after politely waiting in the wings while we all cooed with delight at Spring, is emerging. When I walked out with my camera this morning, the heat of the sun instantly hit me - making me realise I was wearing the wrong clothes.
Do you ever get the feeling you are wearing the wrong clothes? I feel it, when I end up being all the things I hate. When I'm irritable, impatient, selfish, consumed with a desire to please everyone, when all I can see is me and I forget the needs of everyone else. There's an awareness niggling at the edge of my mind, knowing, somehow, that I'm wearing the wrong clothes. And as soon as I turn to seek God's face, and feel his warmth, it becomes even more obvious.
My identity is in Jesus Christ, so when I behave in a way contrary to that lifestyle, I am acting outside of my true identity. I'm growing into it, I suppose you could say, but there are times I need to draw back and think - no, wait. I don't have to respond to this situation like this. With God's help, I can win over my natural reflexes (forces of habit, a lot of them). Instead of letting my insecurities take the reins, I can choose to dwell on the security of being 'in Christ', getting things in perspective, choosing to be wise.
I wear the wrong clothes a lot of the time. But in Colossians we are told:
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3:12-14)
Those are the things we should be wearing. I am a work in progress. I'm not going to get it right all the time. But I would like to do it a little more frequently than I do now. I want to see the transformation of my heart and mind. So that one day I will be as beautifully clothed as those butterflies, after their own amazing metamorphosis. I want to be who I was made to be.

Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Monday, 20 April 2009
breaking the block...
Andy had last week off work, after the busy-ness of Easter, and it was good to just relax and spend time together. We had a couple of nice days out, which I may recount here, at some point. (For less regular readers, 'at some point' can mean anything from next week to never.)
I have been catching up a bit around the house and cleaning out Charlie's hutch, giving him a bottom dunking as well, what joy. Started making some more bird cake since they are just about to finish off their third fat tube. They certainly do love it.
Not entirely convinced the goldfinches are going to continue nesting in next doors' tree. Not much activity lately, and I spied the blue tits stealing nest material from it last week, which isn't very hopeful, goldfinch wise. However, they are still coming through and feeding, together with the blue tits and great tits and blackbirds all in 'courtship mode'.
My, isn't this entry exhilarating....
Andy at a meeting this evening, so watched a Primeval episode recorded on Saturday before coming up here to get some stuff together for Youth Housegroup tomorrow. Andy has given up on Primeval but I am still watching it for a pleasant bit of silliness. OK, so the underlying plot is somewhat convoluted and hard to follow - and you can't work out if that's because it is too complex, or not complex enough. Like Steven, Cutter is now dead (killed by sinister amoral former wife Helen) and Jenny seems to be suddenly more like Claudia Brown's personality in this series, which is somewhat ironic as Nick (Cutter) was the only person who remembered Claudia's existence in the first place. (Except perhaps Helen, but I doubt she cares). Of course, dying in Primeval can mean anything really, and watch out for the clones, of course. Connor is as always looking apologetic and perplexed, and he and Abby continue to adopt mini-dinosaur-type pets without batting an eyelid. The acting is...mixed. The special effects are good. There are quintessentially British moments - when a huge dinosaur head, Jurassic Park style, raises itself to peer into the window of a plane, one pilot says with mild fascination, "now there's something you don't see every day".
(Pause for breath.)
All right, so most of you haven't got a clue what I'm on about, but never mind.
I did warn you it might be rubbish.
Sort of.
Thursday, 9 April 2009
bloggy business
I managed to win a free blog button designed by Mommy Designs Blogs courtesy of Angela over at Becoming Me, which was a surprise - so that will appear at some point! Thanks, guys.
Not sure whether anyone is so devoted to my blog that they would put my button in their sidebar! Well, perhaps one prospective blogger...you heard it here first, folks (unless you're one of the buns over at this blog, where I may have mentioned it in a comment!) - Charlie is in the process of setting up his own blog.
He's very fussy, as you may imagine, but hopefully it won't be too long before he enters the public blogosphere. I've told him firmly not to expect daily posts, since I get the impression I will have to do most of the work. After all, his typing skills are appalling, and just between you and me, his spelling is atrocious, too.
Went to our Chronic Fatigue Group meetup yesterday - not sure what to call us now that we're meeting up under our own steam...not that we have much steam between us! Good to see each other and have some laughs (especially when we forget where we are in conversation and lots of umming and er-ing ensues).
Am intending to write a Good Friday post tomorrow, all being well. Am going to Maundy Thursday communion tonight; not sure if I'll manage tomorrow's services but plan to be there am and pm on Easter Day. Lots of chilling on Bank Holiday Monday! Andy has taken some time off next week to have a bit of a rest, so hopefully it will be a nice relaxing time for us.
Now, for the second time, I am intending to go and tidy the bedroom. Beyond my side of the bed is what I call my Zone of Chaos (cue dramatic music) - need to get it under control for a little while. Before Chaos rules again...
Today: 3/10, medium high
BREAKING NEWS!
The goldfinches are nesting in next door's magnolia tree, which overhangs our garden. Cue breathless excitement and nauseating terror - in case next door go on a pruning spree. Please don't!!
Wednesday, 8 April 2009
Tuesday, 31 March 2009
pictures of March


the fence



Today: 4/10, medium - high
Wednesday, 11 March 2009
memory lane: the little naturalist

When growing up, I was fascinated by all kinds of wildlife. I was just as fascinated by insects, spiders, slugs and snails and suchlike as I was with animals and birds. As a little girl, I was utterly fearless when it came to wildlife (although very shy in front of strange people!). I believed all little creatures had the potential of being my friends (and I theirs) if they just had the time to grow accustomed to me.
At the house where I spent the first thirteen years of my life, the garage was sunk into the hill on the side of the road, with a tarmac roof which could be easily sat on, or climbed on, from the garden. (There was, of course, a barrier before the drop on the other side.)
The tarmac would grow warm on sunny days and I would perch or lie on it, and examine the honey bees buzzing around the Cranesbill Geraniums with grew up round the sides. Initially wearing gloves, I would somehow "persuade" the bees to climb onto my fingers. After a while, I grew more confident and took the gloves off, and watched them climb onto my fingertips. No, not once was I stung; though it's not something I would try now - and I suspect my parents would not have been entirely happy with this activity!
It simply did not occur to me that these creatures would hurt such a friendly little girl as I was! Even when wasps chased me across the school playground, I would be proud of the fact that they preferred me to the others - although this sentiment would change rather drastically in the future. My enthusiastic attitude towards the attention of wasps ended one day, when sitting in the school hall, I suddenly felt an intense stinging pain on the back of my neck. A drowsy wasp must have landed there and, as I shifted my head, felt threatened and stung me. We found it flailing on the floor afterwards. I'm afraid an unprovoked wasp sting rather effected my attitude...
Anyway. Enough about wasps! I would go around the garden collecting slugs, snails, or woodlice ('chiggy pigs' as I knew them), giving them leaf matter or roots/wood to eat. I would watch with fascination as pregnant woodlice gave birth to dozens of tiny white miniature selves, turning them upside down (poor things!) to watch the babies moving around in their parent's 'tummies'. The naturalist in me, I suppose! I would hope I didn't poke or prod at them, but I suspect most small children do, and I wasn't any different.
As for spiders...well there were plenty of spiders in my life, the house being what it was - big brown ones in the bath and sinks were regular, and there were plenty of fascinating garden spiders outside, hanging on their webs. Intrigued by what they would do, I would put a tiny piece of grass in the web, and watch them 'tidy' it up and throw it away. I confess I also offered up the occasional woodlouse (!!) to watch the spider wind it up. I found it frustrating that a fly never got caught while I was watching...
At school, a certain group of boys would frequently come up to the girls with cupped hands, saying they were holding a big spider. This would cause some to back off, shrieking, but I and another friend held our ground until they confessed there was no spider. Growing bored of it, I went and found a big, hairy, house spider and walked up to those very same boys with the spider in my cupped hands. Of course, they didn't believe me for an instant. When I opened my hands, it turned out they could run and scream with the best of them!
As I grew up, childhood courage receded and adult fear crept in...I brace myself at the sight of a wasp and try not to hurtle off until it gives up bothering me. (Do I smell nice to wasps, or something?!) I won't handle a spider unless I absolutely have to, although if there's a room full of shrieking adults I will gently pick one up and throw it out the window on their behalf. And daddy long legs (crane flies) are my worst. It's fine if they are just minding their own business, but if they fly towards me, they cause a great deal of frantic hand flapping and leaping about lest they fly in my face (and hair!).
The child that I was would look on in astonishment at all the fuss - and, I suspect, no small amount of superiority...
Today: 4/10, medium
Wednesday, 25 February 2009
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
patchwork memories

There are many memories I have which are not full stories but simple snapshots. This is especially true of my childhood - where the patchwork of memories is not numbered or dated, and sometimes one memory includes repeats of the same thing, or event. Or an object - I remember an object in many phases, but I could not place it on a chronological line.
I remember the huge kitchen table where we ate our meals; I also remember cutting up sponges there and making paintings, using the sponges as stamps. I remember making cards for my mother using tissue paper to make flowers.
I remember collecting warm eggs from the henhouse, and how the hens would let me stroke their backs.
I remember being fascinated by the gas mask in the loft room.
I remember clambering up staircases with Bonnie, our black Labrador, in tow - making believe I was scaling mountains and waterfalls in some amazing adventure.
I remember my dad finding a grass snake and putting it in a fish tank for a few moments so I could have a good look at it; I remember also catching sight of an adder as I played with the petals of a flower on a bush.
I remember the guinea pigs hollering with excitement when they heard any kind of bag rustling, thinking it was feeding time. I remember when Topsy, one of our rabbits, gave birth.
I remember lying on my tummy watching the ants march to and fro from their nest; I remember catching butterflies and the delight when they stayed briefly on my finger when they were free to go.
I remember turning out all the lights so I could play 'spaceships' with Bonnie, landing on a distant planet, going round with a torch and discovering the resident alien (aka the hamster).
I remember our cats, Twinkle and Tiptoes, curled on my lap and purring; I also remember the too-enthusiastic pummelling with their claws which came before hand as they got themselves comfortable.
I remember making a house out of an old television box and bringing a tolerant Twinkle inside with me.
I remember how my brother, sometimes my dad, would on my request pick me up by my ankles and swing me round in circles, while I squealed in delight.
I remember hurtling down a snow covered hill on a simple plastic sack.
I remember frequently asking to hear stories of my brothers and sisters when they were my age (I am the youngest by ten years).
I remember the smell of the Christmas tree and how I would make little piles out of the pine needles on the carpet.
I remember lying in the dark in front of the fire.
I remember having staring contests with my sister (she who laughs, loses).
I remember the view from our old house.
I remember feeling - elation, disappointment, joy, hurt, fascination, puzzlement.
I remember more than all this - but this will do for now...
Today: 4/10, high
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
melting snow





Thank goodness I can compress the files...the A350 photos are huge compared to those of our old digital camera. It would take forever otherwise!!
Monday, 12 January 2009
photographs
And the following I cropped afterwards, taking advantage of the high resolution.


This is our friendly blackbird. He likes me to throw out raisins for him. When I'm in the garden he hides in the bushes and sings very quietly. The first time I heard it I couldn't work it out, but then I spied him warbling 'under his breath'.

And of course there had to be one...
Today:3/10, medium high
Yesterday: 3-4/10, medium
Sunday, 4 January 2009
woodland meditation

Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
Psalm 86:11
Tuesday, 6 May 2008
first sightings
I've been doing housework, but have been breaking it up by sitting in the lounger in the garden. I find it much easier to stick to my 'baseline' of activity and break things up like the programme dictates when I can sit outside. I am quite happy to gaze around me. Have been watching the great tits today. I love their sharp black and white faces and yellow tummies! They're so agile too, popping in and out of the flower beds and in the ivy, and scuttling up and down the vertical fences, using the tiny ridges of the slats to give them grip.
Would be nice if it was sunny tomorrow. We are hoping to take Andy's mum and dad to a National Trust house and garden not too far away. Trying to take it easy this afternoon so that I'll be all right at Emma's tonight. The sunshine helps!
Energy levels: 5/10
Headache: medium
Wednesday, 5 March 2008
a new attitude

Still, on a similar topic, I am getting a lot more into bible study again. I'm rediscovering that eagerness, even desperateness, to learn about my faith, part of what led me to study theology in the first place. I've been doing some study on Wednesday and Saturday mornings - with my 'programme' I have to get up the same time every day regardless, whereas Andy's day off is Wednesdays and he doesn't get up quite so early on a Saturday either.
So I've been going through the first chapters of Genesis. In real detail - I've only just reached the end of the flood narrative. I read a chapter or section, write down my thoughts in a journal, read various commentaries, again jot down any new thoughts, before moving on to the next chapter. Sometimes this takes more than one session, so I can be looking at the same chapter for two weeks. I started it as a kind of discipline, but unwittingly have been doing something that has needed doing for too long - feeding my faith, which has been rather flabby around the edges for some time.
Suddenly I realise I have a totally different attitude than I did a few months ago. I'm really enjoying it - seeking to learn more about the God of the bible from the bible, putting my cultural and historical influences aside and looking at it fresh, seeing it in its own context, and seeing more of the true meaning and motive of the text. I can feel an enthusiasm - no, a hunger, inside me, something I'd forgotten, that got lost somewhere but now is found. I find, with delight, that my soul does indeed yearn to meet with God, that I am sincerely seeking him not out of duty but need. At one point I was simply overwhelmed and sat there and prayed fiercely that I would know God for who he is not what we would have him be, or think he should be. I want God, not my idea of God. I may not be able to comprehend him, to get my head around his ways, but I love him and want him and that underpins everything.
Went for a lovely walk today, in a scrubby common, which doesn't sound that great but it was gorgeous. Everything was reddish tinged, with spikes of white grass, swaying silver birches surrounding, with gnarly little trees dotted about, and bright yellow gorse to give an extra punch. Oh, and the blue sparkling water nearby, of course.

Gorgeous time of year for it. The branches were bare so all the birds could be seen, and we saw a lovely pair of bramblings among (you guessed it) the red-hued brambles.
Was sitting on the edge of the seat in the car, changing my shoes, when I glanced over at the marina opposite the car park, and saw a boat with her name printed in demure, neat lettering. It said 'Optimist'.
I smiled.