the impossible child

In looking at Genesis over at Thirsty Ground, I rediscovered some scribbled thoughts in my notebook from my original journey through Genesis.

They reflect on the nature of promise (especially in reference to God's call to Abram in Genesis 12).

The nature of God's promise to Abram is that it goes against all human expectations.  To the human eye, the land is full and Sarai is barren. In order that the land should be inherited by his offspring (seed) - not just the one who inherits - the tension of the story lies around these impossible descendants, the impossible child.

Impossible to human eyes, but not in God's. There is no mention of curse or disfavour in relation to Sarai's barrenness. It is merely the situation that she - and her family - are in. It's a non-starter, but God is never troubled by such things.  He can mend her broken womb.

Of course, Abram may have assumed that this offspring would come through another woman (and certainly this is what they later attempt, to make their own muddled version of the promise) - but God has always had Sarai - Sarah - in mind.

Sarah's child was an impossible child, especially as the years went by and both she and Abraham were old and past childbearing. Isaac was not the only impossible child, of course, for there was one to come who defied every single possibility.

God loves doing impossible things - things that we cannot conjure for ourselves, things that flash pure divine brilliance across the skies of our lives.

thoughts on newness and resolving

These days I don't make official New Year's Resolutions.  There is nothing so paralysing as my own expectations of myself.  I like to think of having hopes, dreams, intentions.

But if I'm honest, there's always a giant To Do List in my head and at the beginning of the year, after Christmas is over and there is a sense of starting - yes, it does gain more weight.  Something in the mentality of the season, together with the usual break from the ordinary in late December, means that I return home with a mind unusually geared up for action.

Some of the things on the To Do List are rather trivial and hardly worthy of a New Year's Resolution (NYR), such as 'must clean out that drawer'.  Other hopes/dreams/intentions are rather more profound: 'I would like to be more courageous/wise/disciplined'.  All, of course, are personal in some degree, because they are within my sphere of influence.  'Achieve world peace' would be rather unobtainable since I am not the only person on earth.  However, I can think about how I interact with family and friends.  I think about what I choose to say or not say.  When I choose to stand up, when I choose to sit down.

As I noted in the last edition of our church magazine, I rather like the idea of prayers for the year rather than resolutions.  And certainly, it gives a different emphasis.  'Dear Lord, I would like more courage/wisdom/discipline this year,' has a degree of co-operation involved, no longer a lonely pursuit but a conscious decision to ask for help.  Or as the wise man once said in a rowing boat - you can row and pray at the same time.  The two are complimentary.


So, although wary of making NYRs, I do have a gentle bundle of intentions.  Of hopes.  Of prayers.  And the word 'New' carries a certain sense of possibility.  I went through a stage a couple of years ago when I pondered the nature of potential and worried that left on the shelf too long, covered in the dust of years, it shrivels into nothing.

Such a thought did not hold in the long term, since it doesn't fit with my worldview.  I believe in a God who redeems, a God who is constantly taking things off the shelf and transforming them into something beautiful. The potential you left behind may take a different shape now, but with a bit of imagination, who knows what it will be? Even if it's been left there for years.

You may just need a bigger duster.

Of course, pondering the nature of newness, I remind myself that 'his mercies are new every morning', and I certainly don't have to wait until January 1st to consider how great is the faithfulness of YHWH, the great I-AM, always was, always is, always will be.

changing viewpoints

Having moments of real frustration with my headaches, especially as I am so enjoying my writing course. But of course bending over a piece of paper, reading, and looking at a document on the computer all aggravate my head when its in full-on ache mode.

I am seeing the doctor this afternoon; I don't really know what to tell her. However she was going to contact the neurologist for advice so it will be interesting to learn of anymore suggestions. I have my eye appointment at the hospital on Nov 9th, which I'm waiting for impatiently. I'm hoping that by sorting out the prism in my glasses and working out how much help my eyes need to work together, this will at least eliminate one headache factor.

In the meantime, I'm trying to build up my fitness by having short walks everyday and generally being a bit more active. Since my fatigue is not too bad at the moment (yay!) this is more do-able. I think it's worth making myself feel more healthy in other ways. Plus, in one fell swoop, I have signed off cakes, biscuits, chocolate and such like in an attempt to really help my body sort itself out. It sounds drastic, but I know in order to decrease something in my diet, I have to go cold turkey for a while. I've even decreased the amount of bread I eat (hard for someone who adores toast!). When I get the nibbles (I have the nibbles a lot) I put my hand in the fridge and pull out....a bunch of grapes.

Having the writing course seems to have motivated me in so many different ways. My life feels more structured (I've even drawn up a loose weekly timetable), and full of possibilities. Strangely enough, I am so grateful that I did give it up a decade ago...simply so I can take it up now - when I'm so much more aware of who I am. It goes to show, what we think are failures can bear fruit later - and we simply don't see the big picture. So often looking at circumstances in my life from one viewpoint is in fact misleading - as time passes and circumstances shift, suddenly there is a hint of shining purpose.

Even so, I could do without the headaches please!! :)