ten things I’ve learned about tiredness

1. Tiredness robs you of the ability to achieve
2. Tiredness robs you of the ability to perceive what you have achieved
3. Tiredness makes everything feel bigger
4. Tiredness can turn you into someone you don’t want to be
5. Tiredness sensitises you to light, sound, and other external factors
6. Tiredness sensitises you to sadness, frustration, and other internal factors
7. Tiredness is difficult to explain to someone who doesn’t tire easily
8. Tiredness makes it difficult to communicate in general
9. Tiredness unravels your defences
10. Tiredness can get so bad that rest feels impossible

Okay, nothing ground breaking here.  But sometimes I feel it’s helpful to remember that tiredness has an influence.  Sometimes it’s helpful to see the obvious, to say – that’s the tiredness talking.  A little re-arranging of perspective becomes necessary. And although my view is intimate and more extreme due to CFS/ME, I believe tiredness is increasingly common for everyone in a culture that prizes busy-ness and success. We try to fit so much in to our days, and then berate ourselves for not fitting in more.  We feel we’ve done nothing, managed nothing, except make ourselves more tired.

It’s a tired world.

On a slightly related topic, I've been included in the 100 Best Sites for Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue Information at www.b12patch.com.  Not sure if I really qualify as it's not the primary topic of this blog, but thanks to whoever recommended me!

Image source unknown

a feeling God? (part 3)

Some more thoughts on the issue of a 'feeling God' - you'll find previous musings here and here.  It's worth reading the comments, too.

On a personal level, when looking at this topic, as with so many, I want to know what is real - not what is fashionable.  I'm aware, to an extent, we are all fashion vicitims - influenced by cultures then and now.  And it probably is a muddle of mindsets that we inhabit, inherited hotch-potches of various kinds of thinking.  We may disagree on how far those influences extend and emphasise some over others - but I think we'd all agree that influences are there, whatever side of the fence we're coming from.

I do believe in the unchanging nature of God.  I do not want in any way to imply anything different.  But when we are told not to grieve the Holy Spirit of God, the one who intercedes for us with 'groans we cannot express' I cannot get away from a picture of a dynamic God who responds to us in grace, listening and speaking, showing grace and compassion.  His nature is steadfast, his love unchanging.  But I do not think this necessarily means that God looks upon us and 'feels' nothing.

That word 'feeling' - so all encompassing, so hard to compartmentalise.  There is no doubt that language has its limits.

Neither do I claim that this 'feeling' is the same as the human variety - could it not be possible that there is a divine equivalent?   Do we equate human emotion with the feelings of God?  Are then, these human descriptions of divine realities?

Think of all the questions we could ask!

Of course, I haven't even touched on the issue of 'does God change his mind?' - I'll save that for another post.  

Happily dabbling in conjecture, now.  Feel free to dabble with me.

lost in translation?

Translation fascinates me.

It fascinates me because more often than not, there is no exact equivalent.   As I noted in my book review yesterday, languages behave differently and have different ways of emphasising, of communicating, of speaking.

In order to show what the words mean, sometimes the translation requires the use of a word which is not the literal word-for-word translation.  It helps us understand what was meant, but often we miss the picture or metaphor of the original - and why it was appropriate in that language.

Cultures also have different ways of communicating things.  So often we find ourselves struggling to find 'cultural equivalents'.  Recognising the context of something and then contextualising it for a new context - while still trying to keep the original meaning or principle.  A different kind of translation, but with similar challenges.  As one of my college lecturers used to say (and probably still does): what did it mean?  what does it mean?

Words themselves need re-translating frequently, as over time they pick up new associations and different meanings (or refuse to shake off older associations which we never liked in the first place).  The precise definition of the word becomes shrouded in all kinds of assumptions, expectations, sensitivities.  These sensitivities vary from person to person.  For one, a certain word can be fairly innocuous; for another it is streaked with difficulty and pain.  For one, a word has an older meaning - for another, a newer one.  For some, both meanings are recognised and they are left wondering which meaning is intended and how do I interpret this?

All of which means that the writer of a sentence and the reader of a sentence can have different impressions entirely over the meaning of their words.

Translation fascinates me.

Contemporvant Growtivation

Couldn't quite work out whether to laugh at this or cover my eyes.  Apologies if this makes some of you squirm or frown!




Found via Facebook friends, via their friends, via their friends (etc)

Later: apparently this video is no longer accessible - please let me know if you find it working elsewhere!

the right to rest

On the shelf in the room next door is a caterpillar.  Not a real caterpillar, I hasten to add.  A wind-up caterpillar, a segmented little creature that once wound up, will squirm its way across the surface.  It will keep on squirming until the mechanism unwinds entirely.  Then it staggers to a halt.  If something gets in its way, it won't stop moving until it has wound down.  It will simply squirm on the spot, headbutting at the obstacle until somebody moves it out of the way.

Sometimes I think we live in a wind-up world.  In this Western culture of ours, at least, we tend to keep going until we cannot keep going, keep trying until there is nothing left to try.  Rest becomes just another thing on the To Do List - a necessity we need to do at some point, but only when we really have to.  It's not that we don't want to do it.  It just becomes harder and harder to justify as the tasks line up in our minds.

What fascinates me about the institution of Sabbath under the Old Covenant is that part of the reason for it is compassionate.  It's not about a list of things that you should do on the Sabbath.  It's about resting yourself and your household and (touchingly) your animals. Those who have no choice when they work are given the guarantee of a day off.  Those who have had no rights are given this right.  The right to rest.

I do not keep Sabbath, not in the Old Covenant sense.  And the idea of Sunday becoming a Sabbath equivalent is not particularly feasible in our household - Sunday is a busy day, Sunday is a working day.  Sunday is a day for worshipping God, for teaching about God, for focusing on God. Sunday is good.  But Sunday is not like Sabbath.  Not for us, and not in fact for many Christians. I cannot shove Sunday into a Sabbath mould.  Sunday is Resurrection Day, the day when the early church chose to remember the great Third Day Spectacular that was Jesus Christ rising from the dead.  I like that.  Sunday is Resurrection Day.

So, instead of keeping the Old Covenant Sabbath day, we follow the principle of Sabbath.  Which is great.  Except sometimes we get so cluttered up in life that our principles get a bit muddled and lost and, rather too often, postponed.

One problem I find is that it's not just about physical rest but turning off our minds.  This will apply more to some people than others!  Some of us have naturally busy minds - be it because we are feeding off the other busy-ness of our lives, because we're worriers, or simply because we're creative and thoughts form entire paragraphs in minutes. And we can't switch off.  Our minds become like that caterpillar, squirming and head butting at what ever obstacle stands in its way.

Because I suffer from Chronic Fatigue (M.E) I have a routine of scheduled rests which I do my best to follow - three half hour stopping points throughout the day, where I lie down, do nothing and allow my body to recharge.  I'm quite good at following this rule on a physical level, but my mind is another story.  I whir away, my thoughts tumbling, until at some point I remember - I'm not supposed to be doing this.  I'm supposed to be giving myself the right to rest - mentally as well as physically.

There are of course various exercises you can do to relax yourself, but I find these lack permanence for me and my chaotic mind.  In the end, there's only one possible thing I can do - and it's so often the last thing.  So often the last thing.  I go to the Lord of the Sabbath himself. How we squirm away sometimes! No. No. Must. Keep. Going. Forgetting that the burdens we place on ourselves are unnecessary.  We refuse to believe this. We assume we must do all that we do. But what if we couldn't? We need to continually look at our lives and ask ourselves: is this really helpful/necessary/important?

Amid the clutter of my thoughts, I go to the Lord of the Sabbath himself.  For I admit, sometimes I lose control of my own mind.  I've wound it up, and now it won't wind down.  There's no switch-off.  It's out of my capability.  I know, amid my struggles and my thoughts - yes even the good  ones- amid my tasks and my ideas - yes even the good  ones - I have been given a certain amount of energy in the day.  I need to look away from the To Do List in my head, even just for a few minutes.  (If you don't have five minutes, you need to look seriously at what you are doing with your day.)  

Because the principle of Sabbath rest holds firm.  We need rest - for body, soul and mind.  We have been created to need rest.  Rest is created for us.  We have been given the right to rest. And to get good at rest, we need to practise it.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Matthew 11:28-29 

rise and fall: Christianity, culture and celebrity

It sounds like an essay title, doesn't it?!

Aware of recent 'scandals' involving those in Christian ministry, I have begun to ponder this subject and my own reactions to it. This sort of thing used to make me furiously upset - that one person's actions would colour others' view of Christians, worse, of God. How could they?! Over time, instead, the rage was replaced by a disappointed resignation. Oh, I would think, the dullness reverberating around the word. Oh.

(This is not just those extremely well known and publicised, but occasionally someone known more personally to me. Oh. Usually those of whom we think 'but they would never...' Not seeing that, in fact, there but for the grace of God go all of us.)

This time my thoughts turned instead to our culture - and the culture of celebrity. How much does this influence the lives of Christians? How much have we bought into the same culture, unwittingly? In some respects it is unavoidable. With rapid globalisation, it becomes easier for someone to become widely known, as opposed to simply within their own neighbourhood. Everything is accelerated.

So how do we manage it? Individually, I mean. We so often pedestal-ize those we admire. (I am not a fan of pedestal-izing. It can only lead to breakage.) Where does admiration turn into hero worship? When does the ministry become the minister? Or the church the pastor? What happens when they fall off that plinth we've so carefully put them on, defended them and admired them? What happens when we discover they are flawed after all? Knowing the flawed nature of human beings does not lessen the disappointment we feel, nor take away the consequences of the actions involved.

But here are the questions to ponder. Do the actions of one person destroy everything they have done in God's name? Does the ministry dissolve when the minister does? Is it all for nothing? Was it worth it? Was it genuine? Can the damage ever be repaired? I suspect the answers depend on the person - and their own experiences.

I'm reminded of those Old Testament heroes with their troubled, uncomfortable stories. I heard a sermon series once, entitled 'heroes with clay feet', which I think is an apt description. Abraham and his faith - and his doubt. Samson - what kind of a person was he that God should use him? And would King David ever have survived the media ruckus following the affair with Bathsheba - and her murdered husband? Yet he writes: wash me and I shall be as white as snow. Do we see the challenge in that?

The question that rumbles in the background:
why does God choose such people? Why does he use them? He knows what they are capable of - for good and for bad.

Just as some are ready to pedestal-ize, others are ready to pounce. Should we jump to say 'aha! I knew they were all for show! I knew their relationship with God wasn't right!' Can we really, ever, say such things? What does it mean not to judge, lest we too be judged? What does it mean to get rid of the immorality among us? How do we hold all this together?

Please note, these are just questions I am throwing out, and are not relating to a specific situation.

(I want to talk more, about where our foundations are, and the upkeep of them, and what this means for leadership, but this entry is long enough - I will save it for another time.)

God chooses the weak. What does this really mean?

Thoughts, anyone? :)

Today: 4/10, high